


Anachronism

by Casuallyarobot



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Possibly Unrequited Love, Self-Destruction, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:15:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casuallyarobot/pseuds/Casuallyarobot
Summary: We view time as a progression. Point A to point B. A cascade effect from one event to another. Every action has an equal equal opposite reaction. When V finds a piece of experimental corpo tech that claims it can take you back in time? She realizes she could change everything. She could save herself....she could save everyone.Now she's trapped in 2013 with no way home...but she's got a mission: She'll save the man she fell in love with. Even if it means she'll never get to have him.
Relationships: Alt Cunningham/Johnny Silverhand, Alt Cunningham/V, Alt/V, Johnny Silverhand/V
Comments: 46
Kudos: 60





	1. The Downward Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The downward spiral - NIN (album)
> 
> V is stubborn, shes impulsive, and she's spontaneous and isn't easily talked out of ideas....

It was designed to look like a gun. Who the fuck designed this thing? V looked over the gun frowning. It was from some Russian corp that she had been sent on a gig to infiltrate. Rogue had paid her a pretty handsome amount of eddies just to get in, scout around, scoop up some blueprints, and get the fuck out unnoticed. It had gone without a hitch. However...

 **20 minutes earlier**...

 _"Time gun?"_ Johnny read the project name off of a list he saw on a screen as V hacked into the system. 

"That's original. Sounds like one of those shit Bushido movies you like." She joked. Her eyes flickered blue as the screen before her flooded with strings of ones and zeroes before it came back to normal. Data acquired, saved, and transferred to Rogue. Job complete.

"Not wrong...still.....V we gotta..." Johnny insisted, pointing to the screen where the word 'Time Gun' was written next to a keysmash of Russian. 

"....Yeah ok." She agreed, scrubbing all trace of her ever being here and then she searched where the 'Time Gun' was being stored. The screen lit up again with ones and zeroes as she searched where the time gun was being worked on. Turns out it wasn't that far off from where they were. The facility wasn't that big. It had nothing on Arasaka Tower. 

"This better be worth the trip..."

When the entered the room it looked like every other tech lab they'd ever been in. It was a maze of work desks and soldering stations. Computer chips and mother boards littering the place, dim blue lighting illuminating the room as V and Johnny scoped out the room. "What do you think this thing even is?" 

"A gun that can shoot time. Oh god what if it like...ages you if you get shot?" V asked. "Like....you get shot but suddenly it's just worry wrinkles and crows' feet prematurely." She rubbed her face. 

Johnny laughed. "Dunno....I think you may be getting some worry wrinkles all on your own." 

"Fuck you." V rolled her eyes. She hacked into another terminal and pulled up a video. "Oh looks like they tested it."

She pulled up a video. There was a mouse that was skittering around in its cage. Someone held up a piece of paper with letters and numbers dictating that this was the first live test of the prototype. The camera showed a man aiming what looked like a toy gun at the mouse and pulling the trigger. He winced as there was a strange dissonant noise, the mouse squeaked and disappeared. The room exploded in excited Russian celebration as they all hugged eachother. "That...is horrible but also like....cute?" V muttered. The next video was one man aiming at another. Both of them looked nervous. The one staring down the barrel nodded, speaking softly, reassuringly, before the one aiming the gun nodded hesitantly. The trigger is pulled and the man disappears. There's soft murmuring before one of them shouts. Written on a whiteboard there's a date and then 'worked' written in English. More celebration.

"Did....did the fuckin' Russians invent time travel?" V muttered. "This is some fuckin' scifi shit." She glanced around, seeing a briefcase with the gun inside. The encryption on it was pathetic, she was able to hack into it with little issue. She wasn't the best hacker on the planet but she was unmatchable as a combat hacker. She was quick on her feet as she snagged the gun, scrubbed the fact they were there there and they crept out of the building. 

"So what're we gonna do with it." 

"Dunno."

"So why'd you take it."

"Dunno. It's cool?" V turned to face Johnny and walked backwards. It didn't look too weird for her to do that as they were quickly enveloped in a crowd. "Could come in handy."

"I'm in your head girlie and right now you're only thinking about Konpeki plaza." Johnny frowned. "V...." He warned. "We don't know what happened to that man."

"Johnny it's a fucking do over button." V protested. 

"V....it's not a do-over if you die. No point...if you die."

"This could change everything. Nobody has to die, everybody wins!" 

They argued the whole way home. Getting more and more heated. 

"Fucking Goddamnit V!" 

The door closed and Johnny pulled V to him, when they touched it was still so foreign but it was everything. V allowed herself to be held, Johnny tilted her face up to meet his gaze. Aviators were gone this time. 

"I can't fucking lose you. I can't." He muttered bending down and kissing her. He was thinking about Alt. 

It all started with Alt. 

Everything started when Alt died. Arasaka got Soulkiller. Johnny lost himself to rage, became a terrorist. Everything. 

She hugged him, resting her head against his chest. She pretended like she could feel his heartbeat. What would it be like if he were real. 

Well he wouldn't be hers would he? She bit her lip. Maybe he'd be happier. Would he have grown old with Alt? Would they have worked out?

"Johnny....Mikoshi...all of it. You....I'm not gonna make it. Six months. That's what Alt said." She said pulling back. 

Johnny sighed. "V can we not-"

"We don't have time...You....when I go you go on the net and you lose me anyway." She frowned as she moved to the bathroom, stripping down and stepping into the shower. She jolted as cold water blasted her. The hot water was out again. She grumbled as she cleaned herself off. What was supposed to be relaxing was a two minute race to clean herself off before her fucking tits tell off from the cold water. She finished and wrapped herself in a towel. 

Johnny was looking out the window, smoking. V joined him, smoking a real cigarette. It was a bad habit but it made her feel closer to him. 

"This is so fucking stupid." He sighed. 

"Yup!" She grinned at him. He lightly smacked her ass. 

"Mmmmm later." She decided as she went and got dressed. "Lets table that discussion for later." 

Johnny nodded. 

"Vik got that new OS in, can hold a ton of Daemons and has a considerable amount of ram." She sounded giddy. "And Rogue just paid us sooooo..."

"As if you need any more chrome to make you lethal." Johnny chuckled to himself. "Kinda hot watching you make men three times your size shit themselves."

"You always did love a woman who could kick your ass." V teased, crawling into bed. "Play pretend with me?" She asked softly patting the mattress next to her. Johnny obliged, glitching right next to her. She snuggled against him. It was almost like they were real. It was like he was there. His dog tags jingled as she shifted some. 

She looked up at him, he was regarding her, neither of them said anything. V just leaned up and kissed him gently. "Love you." She hummed before closing her eyes. 

She went out like a light. 

Johnny just stayed there as long as he could. He knew she was going to die. He knew he was going to lose her. The thought scared him every night. Every night they would play pretend. Like he was there in body...and one night it was going to be the last time. They'd never know it. Johnny would. He remembered storming 'Saka tower for Alt. He remembered the determination, the fear if he failed....the anguish when he did. He had failed V too. He just couldn't bring himself to let her die alone. Nobody deserved to die alone. 

He loved her so goddamn much. 

The stupid gun was just that...a gun. It wasn't a cure all. It wasn't a do-over. He didn't want her to do that. He didn't want to be apart from her. Most importantly he didn't want her to meet him in the past. He held so much shame for how he had been. How he had abused his friends, the people he loved the most he hurt the most. He was grateful to V for this chance. A chance to do right and be a good man. Eventually he disappeared. V must have slipped into deep sleep. He couldn't appear to her now. 

She was alone.

The next morning she skipped off to Vik's. The Gun discussion had been tabled. She didn't bring it up and she seemed....eager for new chrome. She decided to blow her eddies. Lord did she love her chrome. New OS, New Mantis blades, leg upgrades. She was stronger, faster, more lethal. She got a few upgrades to her Kiroshi's even. Vik was working on her for hours. When she left his office the sun had gone down. Her bank account was empty but she somehow managed enough to knock back a few at The Afterlife with Rogue. She had changed into a practical little number too. She had her best iron with her. She wore one of Johnny's Samurai tanks. He'd never admit it but he loved seeing her wearing his stuff. 

"So what was 2013 even like?" She asked the fixer, Rogue humored her. "Things were the wild west back then. Chrome wasn't as nice and neat as it is now. Not a lot of folks had the eddies to chip in like we do now. The only ones who really did that were true blue netrunner chair jockeys." She reminisced. V was taking everything in. 

Johnny noticed. 

V did a shot with Rogue. "To the queen of the motherfucking afterlife." She winked at the older woman. 

"You buttering me up for a reason?" She quipped. 

"Nah, just riding a good high. Gimme a break." V grinned mischievously. 

"Alright well to my best merc....but don't let anyone else hear that." She smirked and knocked back her shot. V felt honored. 

"Gotta bounce for the night. Been real!" She waved to Rogue as she headed....not the right direction of home.

Johnny appeared to V anger hot on his features. "Sudden interest in 2013? Lots of new chrome, subtle, but strong. V who the fuck are you trying to F-" Johnny had been looking away gesturing wildly when he saw what bar they were near....where V was.

In her hand was the fucking gun. She was fiddling with something on the back. 

"I can fix it. I'm gonna fix it. I'm not gonna fucking die like a sick dog, Johnny. Neither are you, Neither is Jackie, and neither is Alt." She put the gun to her temple and Johnny felt his data ripple. "I love you, Johnny Silverhand." She said out loud and pulled the trigger. 

Johnny didn't get to scream before the dissonant sound echoed through the alleyway.

V was gone.

The pain V felt was like nothing she'd ever felt. It was like Johnny's memories of Soulkiller although it was close. She felt herself being pulled apart at the very fiber of her being. She couldn't speak, couldn't scream. All that kept her together was the sheer determination: She was going to save _everyone_. 

**August, 2013**

V knew this memory like the back of her hand. She landed, shaking her head as she oriented herself. She just appeared in the alleyway as she watched the last few Samurai fans trickling out of the club. She knew Alt and Johnny were fucking back stage somewhere. She felt a small pang of jealousy but quashed it. This wasn't her Johnny. 

She gave her Johnny up. 

She was going to save him from the misery he suffered from the events of this night. 

"Holy shit did you see how fucking wild Silverhand got? Ugh he's so fuckin rad man! Kerry looked kinda pissed."

"I mean they did kill a dude on stage but like....some fuckin' corpo so who cares?" 

Two fans were talking back and forth as they left. V looked like every other groupie. She tucked Johnny's dogtags under her shirt, taking care to hide those. If this Johnny saw them? Well she didn't really want to have that conversation. Not yet if ever. Her plan was simple: Save Johnny and Alt. Make sure they had enough knowledge to be armed and safe. Then ghost off. The less she was involved with the people she knew of the past the better. She didn't know if there were rules here as far as using her knowledge of the future would somehow break time? She had no idea. She touched her had, where the relic was still stored safely. She didn't hear or see Johnny....her Johnny. She called for him in her head. Fear gripping her as to what she had truly done. She'd given any of her time with him away. She'd chosen for him what was going to happen...no better than Arasaka...She bit her lip. No. NO! This was _going_ to work. This was going to work and she was going to save _everyone_. She was going to fix this. She was Night City's best goddamn Merc in 2077, cutting edge shit in 2077. She was lightyears ahead of the gonks in 2013. She steeled her resolve as she dipped into the alleyway where she knew Alt and Johnny got jumped. 

She at least had the next few steps ahead of her planned. No use in getting wrapped up in the what if's right now. 

The show was just about to start. 

She looked at her shoes, kicking some trash in the gutter. She pretended to be drunk. She scanned around taking stock of where everyone would be. They had eyes on top of the building. She saw some of them starting to walk into place. God it was just about to happen huh?

She felt Skippy hidden in her belt. She loved that stupid gun. She needed something familiar at least. Something she could take with her. 

She sat next to a dumpster, blending with the shadows while also just looking like she was rolling. She even played the part. Snagged a canister of Black Lace before leaving The Afterlife in 2077. She knew she'd need an edge here, couldn't be distracted. She saw this memory from Johnny's perspective but the fucking gonk was high and still in the after glow of fucking and fighting with Alt. God she was so out of his league. She understood why he couldn't get over her. 

She took a light hit from the canister, feeling her senses sharpen. She heard Johnny's slurr in his voice and she spotted Alt. 

"Where Y'goin?" Johnny called after Alt, grabbing her arm. She rounded on him and he backed up, hands up. Good choice, Silverhand. 

She couldn't commentate on their spat. _Focus V. That's not your Johnny. That man is a fucking shit smear and you know it._

But damn it to hell if her heart didn't flutter seeing him. 

She narrowed her eyes. She watched the men, Arasaka or some mercs hired by them...she'd find out soon enough.

"Got somewhere to be" Alt answered. 

"Silverhand! HEY!" One of the men called to Johnny, sounding drunk. V knew he wasn't. Nobody paid her any mind. _Perfect_. 

"Good noise, Choom!" Fuck this asshole talked so much. Laying the act on a little thick huh bud? He was going to be her interviewee. She decided it then an there. She wondered what he'd sound like as she popped his kneecaps out of their sockets like bottlecaps....and that was the Lace talking. 

Then the other one pretended to drunkenly sing some lyrics at them. They approached. V wasn't sure when she needed to step in. 

"Join us for a Drink Silverrrrocker...."

"Lets go.." Alt muttered to Johnny as he stepped in front of her. 

"Fuck off." He demanded.

That was it. 

"Bum bum be dum bum bum be dum dum..." Skippy sang from his holster. 

They all turned to look at V who was smoking a cigarette. She tossed it at the asshole who'd been yelling the most. "Well damn, Skipp, this was a covert operation. " She unholstered the the iron and went to town, the heads of the men exploding around her. 

"Did you know that the human brain is still functional for up to several minutes after being beheaded?" Skippy informed. 

"Cunningham, get down, Silverhand watch your six! Stay together!" V barked, her other hand turning into a mantis blade, she swung low, taking the assholes' leg. "Have a seat." She told him as she watched the mantis bladed man come up from behind Johnny. For his credit Johnny looked behind him and dove forward, avoiding being impaled like he had in the past.

V looked at her better, fancier, blades and then at the merc. "Oh one of us is going to _have_ to change. And I spent so _so_ many eddies. " She said running at him. This was a revenge fantasy and she was living for it. She forgot how mouthy Lace made her. 

Johnny and Alt remained together, darting towards the gonk's van. "NOT THAT WAY!" 

V ran after them, seeing two more goons come out of the van. NOt to mention her interview star who was bleeding out. She was running out of time with him. "Fuck." 

She aimed skippy at one and fired, his head exploding. She forgot to swap weapons and ended up shooting the other one in the head as well. "You know, Skip. I really wish you'd let me change your goddamn settings. " She growled as she marched forward. 

Johnny kept Alt close. He was looking around, his custom hand cannon in his hand. V didn't want to be on the business end of it, but he certainly was aiming at her. "Who the _fuck_ are you?" He growled. 

_Your output in another life._

She didn't say anything. She held her hands up. "Easy, I just saved you a lot of pain, Choom." She said. "Ain't gonna end either. Gotta find a place to lay low. Got a few ideas if you'll let me help." _Please god let me help because they're not gonna stop._

"You knew both of our names. " Alt started.

"He's a rockstar." V countered.

"My name." Alt pressed. 

"Best Runner in Night fuckin' city? Fuckin idiot if I didn't know you too. Look I don't got time to explain. Arasaka wants you, wants Johnny out of the way and they're only gonna send more gonks to try. Got a good hidey-hole we can hold up in and talk. Unlikely to be followed. They know your routines, who you talk to, I'm a third party. Ain't got shit on me. " _Not yet anyway, it'd be over 50 years before that and maybe not at all if this works..._

"How the fuck we know you wont try and take us out yourself? How do you know it's Arasaka?" Johnny growled. God he had such an itchy trigger finger.

"You want my iron, you can have it. We pile into some wheels and I get us to safety. Please let me fucking help you." V begged. 

Alt sighed. "Johnny this isn't a pissing contest lets go! Gimme your iron." She asked. 

"He talks..." V handed Skippy over to Alt. "Sings too. Likes Rhianna." 

She looked at Skippy who appeared before her, the little bullet avatar appearing to scan her over. "Scanning fingerprints. Are you my new owner?"

Alt smirked. "Alright what-" She watched as V looked at a car, her eyes flickering red as she scanned over a parked car, unlocking it. "The fuck are your implants?" She asked. 

"Fancy and expensive. I wasn't kidding when I told that fuckup that I spent some eddies." She said sliding into the front seat of a shitty little car. It was small, cramped, but it was fast and unassuming."

"My porche-" Johnny started. 

"Is so very obviously yours that it can be tracked with minimal effort. Have one of your roadies drive it somewhere safe." V pointed out. 

Neither of the other two seemed to like her familiarity with them. She didn't like where she was. She felt uncomfortable. Alt intimidated her and she just couldn't look at Johnny. She had to focus. 

Reluctantly, they got into the shitty back seat of this little car and V gunned it towards the Pistis Sophia in Pacifica. She scanned the net briefly, when did that hotel decommish? It was still functional. Good. 

the ride was quiet save for the radio and Fun Facts that Skippy chattered on to Alt about. She seemed relatively calm although V knew she was working at something. She'd clocked her implants quickly. She really was the best runner in Night City. She wanted to keep her on _this_ side of the net. World didn't need big bad mama AI Alt. That bitch was terrifying. 

When they pulled into the parking lot of the Sophia V felt a gun barrel pressed against the back of her head. "I'll ask one more time. _Who the fuck are you_?" 

V sighed, leaning against the barrel some. Part of her wished he'd pull the trigger. Sure would make a mess but at least she'd done what she intended to do....mostly. She still needed to tell them. 

"I'm the Ghost of Christmas future for you both. Put your goddamn iron away before you embarrass yourself, Johnny." V turned to look at him for the first time since she'd clocked him in the alley, she moved the barrel so it rested between her eyes.

A dare.

"And I want to fucking keep you from a world of hurt if you'll let me."

"Johnny-" Alt's voice broke the tension. 

Johnny looked down at Alt who had curled against him. Despite the fact that they had both been fighting an hour ago they were so comfortable together. 

A perfect couple. 

V paid for a room for them. Not Johnny's room. She wouldn't do that to him. She wasn't that fucking cruel. 

She held the door for them. Or rather she stood outside and gestured for them to enter and she entered last. She pinged the cameras, checking everywhere. She saw Alt doing it too. 

"You a runner?" Alt asked as they sat on the shitty bed.

"A mediocre one at best. Combat hacker." She explained. 

"Alright I want fucking answers." Johnny cut in. "What the fuck was all that?"

"Arasaka's subtleties know no bounds."

"You with 'Saka?" Johnny growled. 

V laughed. "Do I look like I'm a corpo? Fuck no. Name's V. I'm a merc from heywood. New blood." She lied. She wasn't gonna lay out time travel for them. She knew better than that. No way would they fucking believe her shit anyway. V hardly believed it herself. 

"Arasaka wants Soulkiller. Willing to do some pretty fucking nasty shit to get it." She looked at Alt who paled some. 

"How do you..."

"New blood and a few secrets." V admitted.

"They want Soulkiller, they want your skills-" She looked from Alt to Johnny. "And they wanted a thorn out of their side." 

Johnny shifted uncomfortably at that. "Ain't just a thorn."

V sighed. "Exactly why they want to take care of your before you become a real issue to them." She sighed feeling a migraine coming on. Fuck. 

"So why help us? What do you stand to gain?"

"Big fan." V smirked at them and pointed to her shirt. A poor deflection. "Look....I have my reasons and I promise they're not malicious but you'd never believe me. Can we sleep for now and you can interrogate me tomorrow? I'm not going anywhere. Don't have anywhere to go." She admitted. 

That seemed to work just fine. 

V headed to the bathroom to take a quick piss. She started coughing as she was washing her hands.

RELIC MALFUNCTION DETECTED

Shit....time travel didn't mean shit when your body's timer was on its own clock. 

She felt her body start to seize. She saw blood dripping from her hand and felt a nosebleed. She didn't have control as she hit the ground _hard_. 

She was barely cognizant as the bathroom door slid open and Alt gasped. 

"Johnny-" She started but the Rocker was already on his feet helping V up, carrying her to a couch in the corner. 

"I'm sorry." V whispered. 

Johnny spied the chain around V's neck, she felt him shift the dog tags from under her shirt. 

She blacked out before she heard him speak. 

Finally some goddamn peace. 


	2. I'd love it if we made it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love it if we Made It - The 1975
> 
> Not all exits are made equal. Some are well defined and granted closure but most are unremarkable...unintentional....messy. V as a final goodbye she must make before it's too late and she knows it will break her. She knows she wont have time to grieve.
> 
> God 2013 Johnny is such a fucking asshole though....

V knew she'd had a siezure. She knew that the relic was still eating her brain away. But still, in the quiet of the white void she felt safe. It was whatever year it was outside. In here, she was the queen of her space. 

"Thought I'd never get to talk to you...." Johnny's voice caught her by surprise and V's heart stopped. 

She didn't say anything, she just turned to rush to him but he was standing beside her already. Staring into nothingness. "Y'know what they say about staring into the void."

"Johnny I'm-" She started. He turned to face her, putting both hands on her shoulders. He rested his forehead against hers. 

"It's ok...I know." He reassured, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. V leaned into his touch. "I thought you'd be with me. I thought....."

"Thought we were safe from change?" He finished with a wry smile. "You gonk." He hugged her. "I'm fadin'. You can't even hear me when you're awake." He commented. V felt her heart drop.

"What?" 

"You're doin exactly what you said you would." He pulled back from her, giving her some space. Watching her as she processed what was happening.

This was goodbye. 

"You saved me, saved Alt." He gestured to the void and the scenery changed, they were back at Tom's Diner. Sitting across from one another. "And you're gonna get punished for it. V I wasn't kidding when I said I was a fuckin' bastard." He lit a cigarette. 

"He....you....sure do like to put your fuckin Maloran in people's face." She sighed, rubbing where Johnny had driven the barrel into the back of V's head. 

"It's a sexy gun."

"It is a sexy gun." V agreed. 

"Gonna lay some things out before it's too late." He propped one leg on the table. Just like old times. "One, you will take none of my shit. Knowing 2013 Silverhand, mad at the world and no idea what to do with it. Losin' Alt gave me a target but I was still a half cocked gonk lookin' for a fight. And you made yourself a lovely little target. Whatever I give you give it back, as immediately as you can. Never knew what the fuck to do when people didn't roll over for me. Just got mad." He sighed, trails of smoke drifting from his lungs. "Two, Alt is a damn smart woman. Damn fine woman."

"Johnny I have eyes, I know this." V reminded. 

"Just hear me out." He shifted his foot absently. "If there's one woman you're gonna get along with, it'll be Alt." He continued. "Dunno if she'll buy the truth but if anyone will, it's her." 

V didn't like this, didn't like this feeling in her gut. She reached across the table her palm up, asking for his hand. He looked at her hand, sad smile creeping across his face. He took his foot down and gave her his hand. She held it like it was a lifeline, if she let go she'd lose him. 

"2013 is pretty alright, the band are good people. Take care of Kerry. Gonk needs someone in his corner that isn't a complete asshole." He flicked his cigarette away and took her hand in both of his. "Three, this is gonna hurt." He looked her directly in the eye. "Losin' someone you love, something like what we have? It destroyed me. You saw what happened." 

V didn't realize her eyes had welled up with tears. She tried to speak but her throat wouldn't comply with the request. Johnny squeezed her hand. Gently letting go, slipping the ring he wore on his pinky off and sliding it on to her left ring finger. At that V sobbed. The diner scene evaporated into mist as she pulled him close, trying to ensure somehow she could just keep him right there. Johnny held her, letting her go. She'd set something in motion that, in saving him, damned herself to pain he wanted to save her from. He was ok with being a ghost. He was ok being the one who took the loss. This? This broke his heart. And when he was gone she was going to be left to someone who wore his face but was full of such hatred and abuse...Johnny held her tightly. "You gotta be strong, okay? Grieve, process, don't lose yourself." He didn't even know who he sounded like. Misty? He wasn't sure. "I love you, Valerie." He lifted her face to him, she was a mess, face red and puffy with grief, he was sure his probably looked similar. 

"It's gonna be ok. You'll find your path. You're the toughest bitch I've ever met."

"Wish...wish we coulda had something together. Coulda I dunno...done a real life thing." V whispered. 

In that moment they lived a lifetime together. V had been the happiest, and the most heartbroken she'd ever been in her life. They kissed, showing each other the things they couldn't put words to.

 _Goodbye_   
_

  
V gasped in pain as ice cold water was thrown in her face. She coughed and sputtered as she looked around. Back in reality....V felt hollow. 

"'bout fuckin' time." Johnny's gruff voice greeted her as he and Alt had her cornered. Johnny had thrown ice water in her face it looks like, she was completely soaked. "Can I fucking help you, Silverhand?" V shook her head, wiping the water dripping off her face. 

"Start with the fucking dog tags." He growled. 

V looked up and saw that Johnny had two sets of tags in his hand, one of them was hers....the other must have been what he'd hidden in the Pistis Sophia. "Give those back!" V demanded.

"Are you some kinda fuckin stalker?" Johnny looked at the tattoo on her forearm. V followed his gaze, she didn't even think about it. 

_Fuck_

She did look like a stalker...somewhat. 

"How the fuck would a stalker know about the tags?" V asked. "I....shit..." she sighed. 

"You called yourself the ghost of Christmas Future." Alt spoke directly. She lacked the vitriol that Johnny was spewing but between the two of them, Alt scared her so much more than Johnny. 

"....You're going to think that I have lost my goddamn mind. Ok...fuck. Told you I'm a dirt girl from Heywood. Names V. All that's true...but all from 2077." She said. 

She watched Johnny's expression screw into a sarcastic grin as he chuckled. "I told you she was a fucking crazy stalker." He looked back at Alt. 

"Sure a crazy stalker who saved you both from getting zeroed by Arasaka." 

"Probably paid them off then zeroed them for real so you didn't have to pay." Johnny rolled his eyes. 

"Please....Arasaka wants Soulkiller, Alt. They want you to work on it. They're working on a project....they wanna use Soulkiller to make immortality available to the rich. Copy someone's personality into data, put em on a chip, slot em into a new body, they take over. Do that as many times as they like....You're the key to that. To Saburo fucking Arasaka trying to live forever. I...that fight last night? They impaled you Johnny. They took Alt, use soulkiller on her. You lose yourself completely and use a mini-nuke on Arasaka tower. You're branded a terrorist. They use Soulkiller on you, too. You end up on a chip for fifty some years and then..." she sighed. "I ended up with you in my head."

"You've gotta tell me your dealer because this is the most gonked shit I've ever heard. And I've done some shit." Johnny laughed. 

V blushed, she knew that she sounded insane. Shame settling into her features uncomfortably. 

Alt was watching her, staring straight through. 

"Alt....you end up becoming one of the most powerful AI on the net. But you lose yourself. You lose your fire...." V spoke softly. "Fuck...what am I doing here." She stood up to leave and Johnny got up, intercepting her and blocking her exit. He pinned her against the wall. His metal arm pressing against her neck, Organic one twisting her head to the side, revealing her neural port. 

"Let me the fuck go!" V struggled against him. She didn't want to hurt him, didn't want to fight him. Her heart was aching from a nightmare she'd just had. No....no the dream she'd had. 

This was the nightmare. 

Alt came over, brushing some hair away from V's port, spotting the chip. V started to struggle harder. 

"No stop!!" V was starting to beg. She didn't know what happened if the Chip was pulled from her now. 

She felt Alt's fingers grip the port and pull. V's vision glitched, she didn't recognize the inhumane scream that came from her as clawed the wall. She couldn't get a good enough angle to scan Johnny, incapacitate him. 

The chip slid free with little fight and V dropped like a rock. 

"Oh fuck...." Johnny looked at V's body which was crumpled in a heap. She was breathing although it was shallow. She was trembling. 

Alt frowned, eyes wide at what was happening. She hadn't expected that sort of response. She studied the chip, seeing it was still functional, lights glowing on it, magenta and red. It looked foreign. She shifted her hair from her port and slotted the chip in.

"Alt what the fuck!?" Johnny looked at her in disbelief. That was the most reckless thing he'd ever seen her do.

Alt frowned, feeling the chip connect with her systems but she could tell that it took a little more energy than what was normal. 

"....Oh V...Alt you gotta help her." Crouching over V, like she was seeing double, was Johnny. Alt's gaze flicked from this Johnny to her Johnny. 

The glitchy form of Johnny was wearing a bulletproof vest, the Samurai logo emblazoned on the back. Aviators on his face, cigarette in his mouth as he tried to help V's writhing form. "This ain't how I wanted to have this reunion...fuck I didn't even think we were gonna get one..." Johnny took the red aviators off, looking at Alt for the first time in what felt like an age. "You can run as many diagnostics as you want, your eyes aren't busted. What V said was true, fucked up as it sounds." Johnny waited for Alt to speak. When she did she utilized their mental link. 

"You'll forgive me if this isn't a little hard to wrap my head around. A woman shows up, saves us, shows a degree of familiarity that some of our friends don't even have, and then tells us she's from the future?" Alt responded. 

Johnny...this Johnny...he held such sadness. The way he moved, the way he talked, sounded like Johnny Silverhand. But his words, his actions. He was softer, he cared. He cared for V. "Do you love her? " 

"...yes." Johnny admitted softly. "You're not crazy, neither is she. She stopped you from gettin' zeroed, turned into one of the most powerful rogue AI's ever known....and because of that shit's changin'. The future where I'm....this-" He gestured to himself. "S'goin away." Johnny did his best to explain what he could. To try and get Alt to help V. 

"Alt...." 2013's Johnny was watching his girlfriend who was looking down at where V had collapsed _very_ intensely. She seemed deep in conversation, hand holding a cigarette that was just burning. She hadn't smoked it yet. Worlds worst incense. 

V's breathing slowed to a more normal pace. Seems she'd passed out again. Surviving the trauma of having the chip removed, or so it seemed. 

Alt finally took a drag off of her cigarette. "Johnny can you help her on the bed?" Alt asked, looking at her boyfriend who looked like she'd asked him to step in shit. 

"Why?" 

"Johnny." Alt repeated her tone, not amused. 

"Jesus she's fuckin heavy tho. How much fucking chrome does this bitch have on her? I bet she's a scav's wet dream." He grinned as he dragged V across the disgusting floor and tossed her on the bed unceremoniously. 

Alt watched as the glitched Johnny clenched his fists. "Christ I was such a bastard." He set his jaw, wishing he could beat the shit out of himself. He felt the glitching, he knew it was a matter of time before the chip was out of power and he was out of time. 

"Alt....please help her. She gave up everything to do what she did last night. She wanted to change everything and she fuckin' did it. Now she'll be alone." He trailed off, his heart breaking softly. 

Alt didn't know how to handle this. This engram, this ghost, of her lover...softly mourning some stranger. 

The future must have been awful. 

"Say I help her, what's she good for?" Alt asked. "What can she do?"

"Shit netrunner, but she's good on her feet. She's smart. Lethal. and Loyal if you can befriend her. She threw everything away for me....so she could save that" He pointed at 2013's Johnny who was clearly digging around the room for drugs. "From becoming this." He gestured to himself. 

Alt nodded gently. This Johnny....well either this was all real or he was convincing enough that she agreed to help. "She's been kind to us despite how agressive Johnny's been. She avoids looking at him, I've noticed that. I'll help her as much as I can. Perhaps Samurai can have a bodyguard since Arasaka seems to want to fuck with them." She offered. This made the ghost of Johnny smile. 

"Kerry'll love her. He already did once." He sighed. "Alright Alt....Thank you. And...I'm sorry I let you down....I'm sorry I'm such a bastard. Wish I coulda done better, been better, woulda, coulda, shoulda..." He kicked at the ground some, sighing as he looked up, looking at V's form on the bed. "She's a good soul. One of the last ones in this shithole. You won't be disappointed." He promised. "Time's up. Get V back those tags will ya?" He asked looking at Alt, before he faded away and the chip went innert. 

Alt took the chip out. Looking at it, the lights were gone from it. It was just a hunk of metal. She sighed, taking it, and the tags Johnny took from V, and laid them next to her. 

"What the fuck are you doin?" Johnny frowned. "What was on that chip?" He asked. 

"Intel on her. She's telling the truth." She decided not to tell Johnny about the fact that she'd spoken to his ghost. Made things too complicated. 

"She ain't a stalker?" 

"Seems not. Good thing too, she was pretty good in that fight." Alt smirked. "Could kick your ass. Honestly surprised she didn't when you had her pinned."

"Nobody can resist the Silverhand charm." Johnny grinned. 

"Uh huh." Alt smirked and came over to her lover, kissing him. 

"Think if we fuck in the bed quiet enough it wont wake her?" He asked grinning. 

The two of them headed off to the shower, turning it on. 

V woke up to the sound of Johnny and Alt banging. She laid on her back. Wishing so badly she'd just died. Listening to this was....why was she listening to this anyway? She held her head. Migraine slowly ebbing. She looked down, seeing the chip and the tags next to her. Her eyes welled up with tears seeing the biochip for the first time since Jackie died. It was inert, just a hunk of plastic. "I fixed it." She whispered. 

At what cost though?

She got up, it was probably 1AM? She from Johnny's memories that the two of them were capable of entertaining each other for....hours. She decided a walk, coffee, and breakfast for everyone would help take the edge off. She felt like she was walking in a fog. She paid no mind to tweakers and homeless folks just looking for eddies to get by. Someone flashed iron at her once, she didn't even flinch. She took a walk along the beach, the blackened water reaching up the shoreline towards her, almost calling her towards the dark water. She sat for a while, just staring for a moment, taking in the sounds of Pacifica, the ocean, feint gunfire in the distance. She forgot that the fourth corpo war was still going. She needed to be careful. Instead she just let out a deep and anguished howl. The sound shook her soul as she made it. Anguish at the weight of the sacrifice she made, anger at the fact that if she hadn't she wouldn't have lived anyway. She screamed herself hoarse. She sat, reveling in the throat pain, before she got up and walked to a corner store, picking up some Coffee, breakfast burritos...or what would pass off as burritos...and some painkillers. She also grabbed a couple ice packs. She had a feeling they'd appreciate them later. It was about 4 AM when she came back.

"It's me." She said as she opened the door, Johnny was half naked and was running at the door, he clocked her in the nose with his metal fist. She felt it give under the force, blood spraying down her front. 

"Johnny goddamnit!" Alt yelled. 

V swore loudly setting her purchases on the table next to her before she looked at Johnny, scanning him, eyes turning red, uploading a daemon to him immediately immobilizing his arm as she bullrushed him. She kicked the side of his knee, and returned the punch to his eyebrow, splitting it. "I"ve been nothing but fucking helpful to you and you fucking come at me like this THREE Times Silverhand! I should fucking flatline you!" V had half a mind to. Rage swelled in her chest. This piece of shit wearing the face of the man she loved. She spit blood at his feet and headed to the bathroom, seeing it was a fucking mess. She didn't care. 

"Thought you might be 'Saka." 

"I announced myself you fucking child."

"'it's me' isn't exactly telling who you are."

She took a deep breath and counted to herself "Ok....one...two..." She grunted in pain as she set it back in place with a practiced crunch before she returned looking at Johnny with venom. "Got you coffee and breakfast while you were fucking." She dug out some food for herself and took out one of the ice packs. Her intuition was right. She snapped it, the pack becoming cold instantly and she pressed it against her face. She knew he'd blacked both of her eyes. She managed to eat while applying pressure as she glowered at Johnny. 

"Enough." Alt sighed, the two of them got along not at all. She began to wonder if that Ghost had been real at all. "Thank you...V" She said taking a seat and taking out one of the shitty burritos. "Sorry if we woke you."

"S'not the first time I"ve been woke up to folks fuckin' before." She admitted. "My buddy Jackie was louder'n Johnny about it. We didn't live together long." 

"Nobody louder'n me."

"Not in this era." V commented. Johnny scoffed. 

"So what happens now?" He asked V and Alt both. 

"'Saka wants y'all but hiding also helps them because then you aren't riling folk up against the corpos." V sighed. "So I guess.....just go on tour? Hire some huscle? Just keep your fuckin' wits about you." V offered. 

"That...actually sounds like a good course of action." Alt agreed. "As for huscle....How would you like a job V?"

V drank the entire cup of coffee in one pull keeping her eyes locked on Alt. She didn't blink. 

"Samurai is going on tour. Gonna need someone who knows their way around a gun. And knows how to handle Johnny"

V's eyes then turned to Johnny who was staring at Alt, frowning. "Dont need-"

"It's settled." Alt smiled at V. 

"Now lets get you cleaned up so we can introduce you to the band." She said, locating the first aid kit and starting to treat V's black eyes and busted nose. 

"What about me?" Johnny protested. 

Alt tossed him some rubbing alcohol and a bandaid.

"Frigid bitch." He complained. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!! I hope y'all liked it! Not as exciting as chapter one but I've got a rough idea where this is going....let me know what you think!


	3. A Warm Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A warm place - NIN
> 
> Sometimes friends can come from the smallest of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW drug use

V slept properly on the couch after a shower. This time she wasn't rudely awoken by Johnny dumping water on her although she was sure he would have if Alt let him. She looked a little less like shit the next morning. Whatever Alt had done made her look semi-human. She did another sweep of the cameras. Nobody was looking for them, nobody came knocking, they were pretty well left alone. V looked over at the sleeping forms of Johnny and Alt. After their altercation a few hours ago it was strange to see them both looking so peaceful. V felt a small twist of Jealousy seeing how snuggled together they were.

_Pretend with me?_

_S'not pretending if we're actually doing it, V_

_I know...I just wish I could feel your heartbeat. I can't wait until we get this sorted out...maybe you could make a miraculous come back. Johnny Silverhand...alive again._

_Sure would be somethin'_

V shook her head. "Alt..." V said softly. She tried to rouse the two of them in the most polite way possible. By waking Alt and letting her deal with Johnny. V didn't have the energy. She rubbed her sore shoulders. All of the activity last night had been hard on her as she did her best to freshen up. She still wore her bloody Samurai tank. She slipped Skippy back into his holster. He started singing again which is what caused Johnny to stirr before Alt. 

"Does that thing have a fuckin' off switch?"

"Nope. Get up. Gotta keep movin' rockerboy." V crossed her arms staring at the two of them. 

"Mmmmm good morning." Alt seemed much more agreeable, just as assumed. She got up and looked at V, taking her form in as she stretched. 

Why was she so goddamn hot? She was sleeping on a fucking disgusting mattress after what was effectively an awful night and she still looked like she'd crawled out of a dream. It was a cruel joke. Still V offered Alt space so she could pull herself together. She didn't pay Johnny any mind as he rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep. 

"bum bum be dum-"

"Shut it the fuck off!" Johnny sat up and glared at V. 

"Skippy has a mind of his own, can't deny him the right to sing his favorite song." V smirked. "Maybe you could use him and do a cover." She mused. 

"Jesus- it's too damn early."

"It's noon, Mr. Silverhand."

"Too. Damn. Early." He stopped and looked at V again. "You'd look better if you had your tits out."

"Noted." 

Alt came back out. "Why aren't you up?" She frowned at Johnny who sighed and got out of bed. He walked by V and the unmistakable sound of a fart trailed after him as he headed into the bathroom. 

"Beast..." V walked away from that. "I'll head out and look around, make sure there's no unwanted eyes. I'll come back and let you know." V nodded to Alt as she stepped out. She was hit by the smell of the ocean, thinking of the last time she was here with Johnny. He'd really helped her, showed trust. That was the moment she knew that she would be able to love him. 

"Sorry I fucked it up..." She muttered to herself as she looked around. Everything was as it should have been. She saw the silhouette of the rollercoaster, it was up and running like normal. She heard the screams of passengers enjoying their time. What was it like, she wondered, to be able to just go to a theme park and have fun. What was it like to just be able to feel safe and not care about where your next job would be, whether or not you'd be prying bullets out of your body, to just be able to relax. 

She made a quick round before returning. She knocked three times. "It's V." She announced as the door slid open, Johnny and Alt stepped out. 

"I'm drivin this time." Johnny announced. 

"' kay." V tossed him the keys to the little shitty car they stole. "Where are we going, Mr. Silverhand?" The degree of separation helped. This wasn't her Johnny. This was Mr. Silverhand. It was stupid, but it helped in some juvenile way.

"Goin' to Kerry's place. Band meeting....guess I'll introduce the new staff." Johnny glared at V. 

V opened the door for Alt to crawl into the back. If they got into a fire fight then it would be good for her to be able to lay down and avoid getting hurt. V sat lazily in the front passenger seat as Johnny drove. Radio was on and they were both bobbing their heads to the music. V rolled down the window and leaned her head out of it, feeling the wind against her face. She hummed along to some of the music she knew and listened to what she didn't. Johnny had been surprised when he heard her sing for the first time. 

_"Christ V, you been holdin' out on me this whole time?"_

_"No? I just....I dunno. Living with a fucking rockstar in my head makes me a little self conscious."_

_"But you're good! Shit, let Kerry hear you. You gotta. Promise me."_

_"Holy shit Johnny if it'll make you happy fine."_

She pulled her head back in when they were getting into thicker traffic. They headed towards Watson. V wasn't sure what Watson looked like in 2013 but she knew she'd be feeling homesick. She did her best to just keep herself contained. Johnny was looking at her from the corner of his eye. Had he heard her humming? She hoped not. Or if he did that he paid her no mind. Honestly if he paid her no mind that would make her life so much easier. She looked at the tattoo on her arm and put it out the window, letting her hand surf on the wind currents before just letting it hang down, hiding it. She would look into getting that covered up. She had a few ideas on what she wanted to do with it. If they had time she'd get it done tonight. 

Kerry's apartment wasn't too far from where she had lived. The megabuilding she lived in had yet to be built she guessed but boy Watson sure didn't change much in 64 years. Same smells, same skyline almost. 

"V, we should stop by somewhere and get you a fresh change of clothes. Your shirt is covered in blood." 

"....right...." V looked down, her shirt looked like a murder scene. "No wonder I got weird looks while checking around the hotel. I...uh....well I don't know where we can pick up some new threads."

"I do, don't sweat it." Alt gave a reassuring smile that caught V off guard. She felt a pang of...something. Maybe it was the remnants of Johnny being in her head giving her this feeling. She'd chalk it up to that. 

"You wanna give her a makeover before showing her off to the band like some prized cow?" Johnny looked at Alt in the rearview mirror. 

"Moo." V responded

That got her a smile and a laugh that twisted her guts painfully. She tore her eyes away from him, staring ahead as they parked. 

They stopped off at a thrift store that wasn't far away from Kerry's apparently. V picking up a nondescript black cropped T-shirt to replace the ruined Samurai tank. She tossed it as soon as they left. She felt a little better, felt more presentable. 

The walk to Kerry's was quiet. V was keeping an eye out, anyone looked at them twice and she would carefully shift to show Skippy off just enough to turn them off to the idea of jumping them. Granted there were more folks whispering about Johnny Silverhand in Watson. God as if he needed the help with his goddamn ego. 

They arrived at the building. Johnny didn't bother knocking, walking in. "Mornin' Ker!" He called. 

"It's like 2PM!" Kerry's response came from a different room. The sound pulled at V's heartstrings. How often had she met up with the older Rockerboy. Seeing him as a young buck in the flesh would be interesting. She'd have to make sure to not exude too much familiarity with him. She loved Kerry, he was a good friend, damn good listener....and a huge moron when his stupid ego got in the way. In that he and Johnny were obviously cut from the same cloth. 

V walked in last into a small apartment that was packed with the entire band. All of them sprawled out on the mismatched furniture. Henry had his feet propped on Kerry's coffee table. Denny sitting on his lap. Nancy was sitting on the back of another couch. They all looked up, greeting Johnny and Alt as they entered. Their eyes eventually shifted to V curiously. V composed herself as much as she could to look intimidating and like she'd be good huscle. Alt picked up on the shift in her posture and smirked. "Relax, you proved everything you needed to last night." Alt reassured her. 

Why had Alt suddenly gotten so much nicer to her? She didn't understand but she was no less grateful for it. She relaxed a bit just sort of awkwardly finding a wall to lean against. 

"Oh I didn't know you picked up....a friend?" Kerry looked to V who nonchalantly waved.

Johnny rolled his eyes. "A stray." 

"Name's V. " She introduced. 

"Kerry Eurodine." He said walking over and offering to shake her hand. She obliged giving him a soft, warm smile. 

"It's nice to meet you." 

"Oh so you do have manners." Johnny retorted.

"For those deserving of them, yes, Mr. Silverhand." 

Johnny rounded on her and Denny and Henry howled with laughter. "Damn can we keep the stray? I like her immediately!" Denny joked.

"Yeah....about that." Alt cut in before Johnny was able to make it to get back into V's face. "Sorry we couldn't make it to the afterparty last night." 

"Yeah what gives? I called you guys all night. You were just gone." Kerry frowned. 

"Got jumped by some goons. The stray here managed to help us out in taking them out." Johnny simplified.

"She saved us, Johnny." Alt corrected. "Looks like Samurai has gotten the attention of Arasaka. They responded in kind. If it weren't for V....I don't know what would have happened." 

V did, V knew _exactly_ what would have happened. She didn't speak up though. She felt everyone's eyes on her again. 

"We thought maybe we could use some huscle just for the time being and who better to do that then the person who helped us to begin with?" Alt offered. 

"I mean....I guess?" Kerry rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "Shit guys I didn't know. Are you ok?" He looked to Johnny, then to Johnny's split eyebrow, then to V and her very broken nose. 

"Yeah... Got woke up too early tho." Johnny glared at V who just grinned. 

"I'm sorry that my smart gun woke you up, Mr. Silverhand. It was noon, to be fair."

"Fuckin' thing. I'm gonna toss it first chance I get."

"You will not get that chance, Mr. Silverhand." V retorted. She loved watching him squirm. 

"Is...this a thing?" Nancy asked. _"Mr. Silverhand."_ She grinned like a fox at Johnny. 

"Fuck off Nance." 

She flipped him off in response. 

The tension was broken when another groupie came in with enough beer for an army. "I brought the party." The groupie grinned. 

Soon enough they were all drinking. V sat on the floor by the coffee table just enjoying the atmosphere. It felt different just being around nice folks. Even if she was a complete stranger. 

"Sooooo V." Kerry looked at her, he'd had a couple at this point and he was being far friendlier than he had been earlier. "Tell us about you! Where you from, what's your deal?" 

V was slowly working on her first beer, not wanting to lose her filter. "Hmmmm where to start. Well I grew up here in good ol' NC. Folks wanted me to be a dancer. Tried, was pretty good at it too. Til I laid out my dance instructor when I was 17 because he tried to assault me. Broke his arm when I learned he had been assaulting my classmates. " V admitted. "Got kicked out and just kinda did odd jobs. Mostly do merc work here and there keep bills paid."

"Where you live?"

"Nowhere now. Got kicked out of my last living situation. Fought with my ex." She wasn't technically lying. 

"Can't make up with 'im?" Johnny retorted. 

"Nah, real piece of shit. You'd get along." Saying that hurt. Kept up a front tho. 

"Oh no more Mr. Silverhand?"

"Not when I'm drinking a beer."

Nance chuckled at that. "Alright well maybe you can crash here since you're gonna be our huscle?" She looked at Kerry. 

"Here? Uhhh sure. Hope you don't mind the couch." Kerry frowned. 

"You don't gotta offer me anything, a couch is more than enough though if that's ok." V said finishing her first beer. 

V did her best to tell them some good merc stories without giving away details of when it was. She talked about dealing with some cyberpsychos. The near misses. Antics with her and Jackie. She talked about Jackie a lot. 

"He was a huge dude but all soft unless it was biz."

"Sounds like you really loved the dude."

"He was my best choom. He passed a little while back. Miss the fuck outta him." 

"to Jackie Welles." Kerry offered, they all clinked their bottles together and drank to a man that none of them would ever meet. It warmed V's heart. 

Time passed like a blurr. Suddenly it was a month later, V was backstage at shows making sure that fans stayed where they were supposed to be, took care of any gonk who got smart, and made sure everyone was ready to go on stage. She'd wrangle Johnny to make sure he was where he needed to be but she mostly just avoided him. When they would talk she kept it as impersonal as she could. Alt, however, was doing her best to keep in V's orbit. Often times she'd show up with a beer or a coffee depending on the time of day and she'd just talk. 

"Need to get this handled." V nodded to her tattoo. 

"What design were you thinking?" Alt ran her hands along the ink. "The engram....on that chip...He did this?" She asked. 

"Yeah....wait how did you-" V started. 

"When we pulled that chip out of your head I slotted it into my neural port. Spoke with him."

"Oh...." V looked down. 

"Said he loved you. said a lot of stuff. I don't know what happened to make things the way they were but....thank you." She said. "I know you've been lonely. I know you're doing your best." 

V sighed. "Yeah...I don't regret it but I didn't think about what all was gonna happen. Sometimes I wish Johnny had just flatlined me in that shitty fuckin' car...and then again when you pulled that chip." 

"I'm glad, for what it's worth, that you're here. I like you V. You're a good soul." Alt took V's hand in hers and pulled her along the sidewalk towards a tattoo shop. It was hours before a gig so they had time to kill. 

"Thanks." V gave a soft smile. She hadn't expected to find a friend in Alt Cunningham but here she was. 

"So what design were you thinking about?" 

"You'll see when I'm done." V said as they entered the shop. 

The tattoo artist worked quickly, covering up the 'Johnny + V' tattoo pretty easily. V had settled on her design:

The 3 of swords. A tarot card about heartbreak. Seemed fitting. 

She left not long after. The tattoo was gorgeous and it still held similar meaning to V. She didn't feel like she had erased Johnny's 'gift' but she had embellished on it. She wondered if her Johnny would have liked it. She doubted it. 

"It looks amazing!" Alt complimented as they headed to the venue. 

"I think so too. I hope everyone was able to get their shit together without me. Didn't know I was signing up to be a babysitter when I took this gig." 

Alt chuckled. "Well I suppose everyone has to baby Johnny a bit." She admitted. "You know...he doesn't hate you. He doesn't understand why you avoid him."

"Better like this to be honest. He frustrates the hell out of me and so I don't think pretending to be his friend benefits anyone." V explained. This was a partial truth. The distance she forced between her and Johnny was convenient for her because it kept her from feeling so broken. It also benefitted him although he didn't see it. She remembered sitting across from Johnny at the oil field, he was so broken talking about how his friends couldn't stand him. At least this way he knew. She didn't have to lie to him. 

Most times with the band she would remain with them laughing and joking but the second Johnny came in she would leave the room or stand watch at the door. Her demeanor to him was mostly just cold. _Mr. Silverhand_ be came a moniker she knew he hated. 

Once the show started Alt and V listened to the music back stage. They were killing it, the fan were going nuts. Tonight was shaping up to be a good night. V was just watching from the green room when Alt took her hand and pulled her back into the dressing room. "Alt?" V followed after her. 

She watched Alt do a line of SynthCoke. "Yeah?" She smirked, her pupils dialating. She set up a line for V. "Wanna have some fun, don't worry you wont lose your edge, huscle." She had a devilish smirk. 

V felt herself cave under the weight of that expression. She did the line, dragging her finger along the remaining white residue and rubbing it into her gums. She was in shock when Alt yanked V towards her. their mouths crashing together in a heated kiss. V melted into Alt. She was so hot and soft and _perfect._

Then V realized what she was doing and backed up. "Woa woa woa ok..." She caught Alt's face between her hands gently. "I-I'm flattered Alt and....god you're gorgeous...but I dont...I think this is a bad idea"

"I don't think it's a bad idea at all." Alt rolled her eyes. 

"Alt...I don't want my shit kicked in by Johnny."

"You can take him."

"Alt..." V frowned. 

"It's okay."

"We're high. It's not." She huffed, kissing Alt's forehead. "...lets talk about this after the party once we've slept?" She asked. 

Alt pouted some before agreeing. "Alright." 

V slipped back to the green room just as the band finished their set. Johnny burst into the room, wrapping Alt in his arms and kissing her. V was glad of that because she felt really awkward. 

"You guys did great!"

Kerry was all but floating. V and Kerry had become accidental roommates when he learned she could cook it was over. She suddenly had a bed and they just made it work. "You think so?" He asked, brown eyes alight with the compliment V gave. 

"I just said so didn't I?" 

He grinned. 

They headed to the afterparty which was held at an industrial warehouse building that was repurposed as a bar. They were on the second floor, the VIP section. The building was raw, exposed brick, bright neon lights, a perfect little club. It made her think of Lizzies if it had been more industrial. Everyone was having a good time. Denny and Henry were dancing together, Nance and V were dancing together. Johnny and Alt were at the bar attached at the hip. Kerry was flirting with a groupie. It was a perfect little after party. V could feel the music throbbing through her entire body as she kept thinking of kissing Alt backstage. It felt so right. She wondered if that was the remnants of Johnny in her mind. She knew that she couldn't pursue that sort of relationship with Alt. Johnny would kill her and she'd deserve it. Nancy eventually tired of dancing and they went to hang out by the bar. 

Johnny tossed his arm around V, who stiffened. "C'mon." He lead her away. 

Kerry turned and watched the two of them leave, eyes wide. 

"Can I help you Mr-"

"Fuckin' stopit." Johnny cut her off. He put a finger on V's lips. V was still rolling off of the synth coke and the shots she'd done with Kerry earlier. "Hate that shit, you know it." He lead her out onto the balcony where they could be in private. 

He tilted V's head up as he studied her. She felt her pulse quicken. this was the closest she had been to him since that first night. She felt her stomach churning, her heart longing. This wasn't her Johnny but she saw glimpses of him in everything this Johnny did. The soft eyes at Alt, the way he laughed or tuned a guitar. The way he joked and smiled. The way he smoked. It made her crazy. 

"Fine...Johnny what do you wan-" V started, she stared back into Johnny's eyes. Her own white eyes scanning his face for any sort of hint at what this was about. She got her answer when his mouth crashed onto hers. 

Now she'd kissed them both. 

Shit. 

She melted against him, a soft moan escaping her mouth before she could stop. She heard him hum with approval as he held her against him. She was lost in him, the alcohol, and Synth making her judgement muddy at best. This just felt so good. 

The moment was broken when they both heard a scream. 

Alt.

"LET ME GO! V! JOHNNY!" 

V shoved Johnny away from her, she saw some men dragging Alt away towards a white panel van. "Alt!" Kerry, Denny, Nance, and Henry had all come to the balcony to see what was happening when they watched V bolt towards the edge of the balcony. 

"V What are you-" Kerry reached towards her before screaming as he watched her vault over the edge and plummet towards the parking lot below. 

V didn't think she was only action. She had taken longer falls and she secretly prayed that the leg mods she had would handle this. She landed on the ground, rolling to absorb the shock of falling 20 feet. She would feel this later but right now she thanked the universe for Viktor Vector and his amazing mods. She kept running towards the van as it was starting to drive off. V whipped out Skippy, shooting out the tires and holstering the gun. Her arms unfolding for her blades as she tore into the back of the Van. 

There was one goon who tried to shoot V point blank but she put a blade through the top of his head, it protruded from the bottom of his jaw. There was a second gonk who she pierced through his face. 

The driver hit the brakes and turned around, gun at the ready. V put herself between the gun and Alt, who had cowered some, hiding her head. The driver fired, V ducked down, she felt a bullet tear into her shoulder but she managed to mangle the man's arm with her blades, he dropped the gun. The van made a sudden lurch as they collided with another car, the airbag hitting him, knocking him unconscious. 

"Are you ok?" V asked checking over Alt. Blades neatly folding back where they belonged. "Did they hurt you, inject you with anything?" 

Alt shook her head and hugged V. V just held her. The back of the Van was wide open and she saw the band running towards them. V locked eyes with Johnny before looking at Alt. "I'm going to pass you off to Johnny ok? It's ok. I need to talk to the driver." She said smoothing some hair from Alt's face. Alt nodded and looked back for Johnny. She all but jumped into his arms. 

"Holy shit V what the fuck?" Denny was impressed. 

"Got some biz, I wouldn't stick around if you're squeamish." V warned as she moved to the driver's side door, ripping it open. She recognized the person. It was the asshole who's leg she'd cut off. He was sporting a shiny new prosthetic. She grinned. "Oh this is perfect." She said grabbing him and dragging him towards a back alleyway. The man started to come to as he was being dragged. He started to protest, struggling in V's grasp. 

"Got a few questions for you."


	4. Slipping Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slipping away - NIN
> 
> Johnny had told her not to lose herself, to hold on, process, but that's out the window now. That Johnny is gone and now all V can do is live from one bad decision to the next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Graphic depictions of violence, drug use, and some nasty nasty sex

This was perfect. V needed to blow off some steam and this guy was a perfect outlet. 

None of the band members left. Johnny looked down at Alt. "D'you wanna go?" He asked softly. She shook her head, her eyes were locked on V. 

"Wake the fuck up." V patted the mans face aggressively. He was heavier set and balding. She could see a sheen of sweat forming on his skin. "You don't look so good, choom." She squatted next to him.

"W-oh fuck!" He tried to crawl away from V, recognizing her. He glanced down at his prosthetic leg. "Y-you're the fuckin bitch who-"

"Didn't finish the job, clearly. But as fate would have it, here we are." V grinned at him. "I guess there is a god after all. Lets tell the screamsheets, huh? No I think you know where this is going. I can either give you a matching amputation, zero you, or you can tell me what I wanna know and you walk away and fuck off into the sunset and we never cross paths again."

The man gulped. "L-last one sounds p-pretty nova."

"I think so too, choom. See I just got these threads and I don't wanna get em messy. Also don't wanna scare my friends back there. They've not had the fortune of watching me work. You're gonna make me look good, right?" V asked. 

"You're fucking crazy..."

"You opened this door, bud." She leaned forward, pressing her hand against the man's organic kneecap. "Shoulda taken the hint when I left you to bleed out in the alleyway." She growled. 

"P-please."

The conversation was quiet, the band couldn't hear V really. Didn't know what she said. They could hear the panicked man clear as day, begging. V seemed like a completely different person. She wasn't the goofy girl with fun merc stories. This was V at work. This was why she was their huscle. Kerry couldn't tear his eyes away. 

"....I think we should go." Johnny said. "I got a bad feeling." He kept Alt close to him. 

"She's got this, look at 'er."

"You look at 'er. Notice anything?" Johnny pressed. It was then that they all noticed the blood that was soaking into V's shirt from getting shot. "Go get a fuckin' ripperdoc on the horn."

"I"ll go. I know a good one." Alt had regained her composure after that. She went with Kerry, Denny, and Henry back towards their car to call a ripperdoc. Kerry put a hand on Alt's shoulder just to make sure she still felt safe. 

Johnny and Nancy kept their eyes locked on the situation. 

"Lets start with basics. What's your handle?" V asked. She felt the warm sticky sensation of blood seeping into her new shirt. He'd hit somewhere important. She couldn't flinch. She hovered over him like a vulture. She'd kill him before he got to her. 

"H-Harold...." 

"Harold, alright Harold. Who sent you? Why are you after Alt?"

"I-I never had his name...ju-just some corpo...." He stammered. He was lying. 

"Harold...." V growled. 

"S-said...if I got caught....to use this!" He had a dagger hidden in the new leg lunching forward stabbing her in the bullet wound. The knife pierced through the shoulder she'd been in shot in, her right arm. She let out a feral growl grabbing Harold's head by his thinning hair and bashing his skill against the brick wall behind him. She felt pain crawling along her body. "J-Johnny!" She called out. She saw Harold had a neural port. Fuck it if he wasn't gonna talk to her she'd take what she wanted from him by force. She couldn't fucking move her right hand to get her monowire out. 

She felt Johnny's presence beside her, for once it made her feel safe. His eyes were wide at the blade sticking through her. "V..."

"M-monowire in my wrist. Plug it into his neural port." V instructed, doing her best to not slip into shock. She had been fighting it after getting shot but she was getting weak. 

She felt Johnny move with no questions asked. Suddenly she was swimming in Harold's thoughts. Her eyes flashed different colors, blue, red, green, as she searched. Harold was screaming as she moved through his thoughts. She was scrambling him as she went. When she was done he would be a vegetable, she was not being gentle. She got the memory she wanted. Eyes flashing bright pink.

_"I need you to capture Alt Cunningham, unharmed, and take care of her partner, Silverhand." An asian man built like a brick fortress loomed over Harold. He had cybernetics in his jaw. She searched for a name._

_Toshiro._

V flicked her wrist, disconnecting from Harold. She'd unleashed a daemon into him causing him to seize up. She stood up, kicking him in the jaw multiple times before losing balance, she felt so cold. 

"Easy V..." She felt Nancy beside her inspecting the knife sticking out of her. 

"D-don't..." She started. Nancy looked at Johnny who put a bullet into Harold's head for good measure. 

"Christ V you look like shit....Hang on let me get this outta you." He ripped the blade out, not realizing how much worse he'd just made things. 

V gasped, deflating like a balloon. She stumbled, Nancy catching her. She was bleeding so much more now. 

"Johnny what the fuck!?" 

"It was makin it worse."

"You idiot now she's bleeding worse. Help me!" She hissed at him. 

V gasped softly seeing her blood trailing from her shoulder, down her side, and then along her legs. She felt so uncomfortable in these clothes. They stuck to her all wrong. She lost consciousness. 

"V! V stay awake!"

She just couldn't. 

Johnny and Nancy brought V's unconscious form back to the band. "Oh fuck!" Kerry gasped, they crowded around her. "Johnny your car's the fastest. I got a doc on the holo, he can take her He's ready." Alt kept her tone clinical though the way she smoothed V's hair out of her face betrayed how scared she felt. 

They got V to a doc, speeding by several other cars and causing several wrecks. Johnny was chewing on the inside of his cheek. He felt worry heavy in his gut. Hated this feeling. He wasn't sure what to make of V. She was hot, sure, but just the way she operated, how she handled everything. He _wanted_ her. He wanted to be around her more. Sure he didn't trust her at first but the way she and Alt were friends, when she laughed with Kerry, her damn humming. She was intoxicating to him. Cut him deeply with how sterile she was to him. How she actively avoided him. She didn't look at him...all he wanted was for her to look at him. See him. Sometimes he caught her studying him, it was like she saw his soul. He liked that. He'd never admit it, but he did. 

Now he'd made it worse. He might have killed her and that tore at him worse. He parked like an asshole in front of the ripper that Alt had called. It was a nice clinic, looked legit. He looked at Kerry in the rearview mirror who was holding V, keeping pressure on her wound. He looked so pale, scared for his friend. She'd been so kind to him. Since she'd joined up she noticed how Kerry carried himself. He seemed more himself. 

V was like a breath of fresh air for the band. And if they didn't save her it would be over. 

"Help me carry her in." Johnny's tone was soft. Kerry nodded. The two men carried V together as gently as they could.

"She's kinda heavy..." Kerry admitted. 

"I think she's made of more chrome than she lets on. You saw her take that fuckin' fall like a damn champ."

"Looked like some Terminator shit." Kerry smiled. "Gotta ride her about that when she's better." He decided. 

Johnny chuckled. "Will have to."

They didn't wait long before V was laying on a pristine chair, Ripperdoc cutting away at V's clothes. 

Normally Johnny would have thought about how nice her rack was or how hot her body was. Instead his guts twisted as he watched this woman he had come to revere bleed out on a table. He looked to her arm and saw the tattoo that had been there had been altered. The heart still there but filled in red, pierced with 3 swords. 

It made him sad.

The entirity of Samurai sat in the waiting room. Nobody said anything. When one of them tried to light up a smoke they were told they couldn't. Johnny felt anger welling up within him again. He stepped outside, pacing like a madman. Finally smoking where a stupid attendant couldn't chew his ass about their smoking policy. Alt slid outside with him after a moment. 

"She's stable." She announced. 

Johnny's posture relaxed. "Good....fuck..." He lit up another cigarette. He sat on the hood of his Porche. He patted the hood next to him and Alt slid in next to him, they fit together so well. 

"I kissed her." Alt confessed. 

"I did too." Johnny admitted. They looked at eachother and smirked. They didn't really talk about it, but they had silently agreed that their relationship was open. Johnny did feel jealousy about Alt but he also knew that he was no saint. Fuckin' groupies after shows when Alt wasn't around or when they fought. 

"We have a type." She commented. 

"I mean have you seen her? Love a woman who can kick my ass." Johnny laughed. 

"She said she was worried you'd kick her shit in back stage." Alt chuckled to herself. "Good kisser, probably better when not high on Synth."

"Shit you did a line with her and didn't invite me? Alt I'm hurt." Johnny took a long drag, there was no malice in his tone. 

"I mean there's always the future." Alt smirked. 

"We'll see...still think she hates me."

"She doesn't."

"Oh yeah?"

"She steals glances at you, she keeps you away because it helps her. You both have pretty similar mannerisms actually. How you handle anger, or rather how you _don't_ handle anger. It's pretty funny. I think that future stuff is just fucking with her. She doesn't know where she is. Doesn't know where she belongs."

"She belongs with us. She not realize that yet?"

"I think she's starting to." Alt crushed her cigarette with her heel. "C'mon lets go inside." She took Johnny's hand and they went back inside. 

V came to, pain rushing her system. She moaned and arched her back, trying to escape from whatever fire had been burning in her shoulder.

"Ma'am you must relax. The painkillers will kick in shortly." an unfamiliar voice spoke. 

V shot up at that. She looked down, seeing she was topless. There was a woman in a white coat pushing her back down, gently. 

"You're at a clinic, you were shot and then stabbed. You lost a lot of blood, but you are ok. Your friends brought you here."

V felt a gown being put on her to cover her chest and grant her some modesty. 

She looked towards the door and saw Kerry standing there, tears in his eyes. "C-can I come in?" He asked the doc.

She nodded, Kerry at V's side instantly. He was smoothing her hair out of her face and holding her. He gave nice hugs. 

"K-Ker, need to breathe, bud." She whispered, she touched his face. "Didn't mean to scare ya." She gave a soft smile. 

"Are you kidding? You fucking jumped 20 feet terminator style and ran after that van. That was the coolest shit I've ever seen!" He gushed. V couldn't help but smile. "Oh you saw that....I dunno I just kinda went on autopilot. Fastest way down. Fastest way to Alt."

Alt. 

"Fuck is Alt ok? What happened-" V tried to sit up again, this time Kerry was the one to keep her down.

"Girl you have GOT to relax. Alt is ok, she-" The waiting room door opened and Alt and Johnny came in smelling like nicotine. V could see them through a window. She relaxed again. 

"Ker I think...I think I need to sleep more. "

"You do need to rest. You almost lost your arm, Ms. V." The doctor showed V an xray of her arm, the blade had cut through several muscles and tendons. it looked like it had ripped her apart. 

"You will need to rest for at least two weeks, take these twice a day for the first week then once for the second. Your chrome is top of the line, that's the only reason you walked away from this."

"Thank you." V nodded. "C-can I go home?" She asked softly. 

"Yes. You will need someone to watch you, however. The side effects of those drugs can be intense. They're a mild hallucinogenic, keep that in mind. I will need to discuss with your caregiver what you will need for the time being." 

V felt herself slip under again from the painkillers this time. 

The doctor looked to Kerry and the rest of Samurai. "I take it you will be looking after Ms. V?" She asked. They all nodded. "I have prescribed a pain killer and stimulant but it has some psychoactive effects. V will suffer from mild hallucinations, moodiness, and probably bouts of severe depression. However she should be back to normal after two weeks. You will need to keep her under heavy watch for the time being. She must not be left alone. The dagger you brought, the one you pulled out? It had a mild corrosive on it. We've managed to salvage everything and she will return to normal, but this drug will be at odds with the corrosive and she will need help doing even the most basic things including hygiene." 

The ripperdoc laid out exactly what they would need to do over the next two weeks. 

"Looks like we're on a two week hiatus." Kerry looked to the rest of the band and everyone agreed. 

V woke up in her bed in Kerry's apartment. She stared at the ceiling, feeling... _off_ .

_You covered the tattoo...._

_"I know...I-I'm sorry."_

_I don't like it._

_"I'm sorry"_

She looked around, trying to find the glitched form of Johnny. She longed to see him glitch into being. 

"Please come back....I can't do this alone..." She felt her lip tremble. 

"V? V you're not alone." Kerry's voice met V's ears. The young man at her side, his hair was falling around his face. He looked so tired. 

"Kerry?" V looked at him as if she was looking through a fog. He looked so much younger. "Your hair's longer." She said reaching out with her injured arm. She felt pain swim through her causing her to gasp. 

"H-hey slow down. Doc said you'd be out of commission for a little while, drugs are gonna make you a little loopy, it's ok. ok? I'm here. You're safe." He reassured her. He hadn't known V long but seeing her like this broke his heart. She had been so strong but right now she was so weak. 

"I'm going crazy." 

"No...just the drugs." Kerry corrected. "It's ok. Everyone in Samurai is gonna take turns being with you. It's gonna be ok. We're gonna take care of you."

"Toshiro....the man who hired that thug....find him, kill 'im."

"Ok well he gets a two week head start. Right now we, V lay back down, we need to get you better. V lay down." Kerry was trying to get her to lay back but she kept sitting up. 

"Don't want to, can't." V hunched over in bed. She felt like a wounded animal, cornered, scared. 

"Lemme get you something warm to drink at least ok?" Kerry offered. He rifled through their tiny little kitchen area. He'd spent some money on getting a food prep area. He found a box of relaxing tea and quickly made a cup for V. He returned with a thermos full of tea for her. Making sure she wouldn't spill it. "Drink, slowly. You've got another dose of your meds in a few hours."

"I-if I say weird shit...don't pay attention..." V pleaded. 

"I know." He chuckled. "You think I haven't heard Johnny trip?"

"oh..."

"You ain't got nothin' on Johnny. This is just gonna be hard but we're here for you." He reassured. 

He heard the door open. 

"Heeeere's Johnny!" He heard Johnny call. 

V tensed up. 

"V...." He sighed. "V you gotta let it go. I don't know why you're mad at him but you gotta let it go." He sighed. He knew Johnny was a bastard, knew he was an idiot, but the way he was looking after V now showed a side of him that he hadn't been privy to often. He thought V would be good for him. V _was_ good for him. 

"....what day is it?" V asked suddenly. 

"Tuesday?" 

"The gig was 3 days ago!?" V jolted, causing Kerry to have to restrain her again. "You've been in an out for 3 days, V. It's ok." 

"Need a shower."

" I'll have Nance, Denny, or Alt come over in a little while. Ok? I promise you don't stink." Kerry laughed. V made a face at him.

"Ker _I_ can smell me. How can you stand to be around me?" 

"Just your undeniable charm." He joked. "Alright, look, I'm gonna go out and run some errands, Johnny's here just in the mean time to make sure you're ok. Ok?" 

V didn't like this, she didn't like this at all. But she knew protesting would make it hard for Kerry. He'd already done so much for her. 

"Ok."

Kerry left after giving her hand a squeeze. 

Johnny entered, tapping Ker on the shoulder, tagging himself in. He had a bottle of tequila in hand, taking a drink and sitting on the end of the bed. He kicked off his boots and scooted onto the bed, sitting in a loose criss-cross. He offered V the bottle. 

"I think drinkin's a bad idea right now. Altho I would really love some." V admitted. 

"That was damn impressive." He spoke. The compliment caught V off guard. 

"What?"

"Do you not remember saving Alt? Jumping from 20 feet and bolting after the van?" 

"I do...I just...wasn't thinking. Alt was scared, they were gonna hurt her. They are gonna hurt her if we aren't careful. Need to find Toshiro. Arasaka brass. End him."

"And we will, but right now our prize fighter is injured and currently tripping on the good Ripperdoc's stash." 

"I hate it. I hate this. Why did you rip that blade out of me?" She asked. 

"Was corrosive, V. I've seen blades like em before. Nasty stuff if left in too long."

"Oh...."

"Look, you just go back to sleep and I'll just sit here."

"That kiss was out of line." V warned. 

"You liked it."

Her expression soured. "Out. Of. Line."

"Mmmmhm." Johnny took a long drink of Tequila. 

V laid back down, she watched Johnny quietly as she drifted back to sleep. It was almost peaceful. 

She fell into a dream, a nightmare. She was hot, the sun beating against her back causing her to sweat through the heavy twill and Kevlar of her uniform. She was in Mexico. Everything was burning. She didn't see the grenade before it was too late, She was ripped off her feet, she felt something come free from her body, left side. She landed and groaned as pain ripping through her. She looked over at her left side, seeing nothing but torn flesh and exposed bone and a missing left arm. She heard muffled voices shouting her name "Robert! Fuck someone get him. Hold on Robert!" 

V woke up screaming, jolting upright, her right arm protesting loudly shooting pain through her but her left arm ached with a dull throb. She leaned forward, hyperventilating. She held herself as best she could. She felt nauseous. She rolled out of bed, landing in a sprawl, puking on the floor. She crawled through her puke towards the bathroom, making it about half way there. 

"Woa fuck! V!" Johnny hadn't been in the room with her, having stepped out for a smoke. "Ok ok ok hold on." He reached down. 

V was trembling, trying to claw her way to the bathroom. She was disgusting. She felt disgusting. The mental images if Johnny's memories burned into her brain. Why was it his engram had to fade but the PTSD got to stay. It wasn't fair. "Help..." She spoke weakly.

"It's ok. I got you." He said helping her to her feet, using her left arm and cushioning her as best as he could. "Let's get you cleaned up." 

"Puke breath....gimme a sec..." She said brushing her teeth. 

He helped V strip out of her top and her pants. He was trying to be as polite about it as he could. He knew Kerry was supposed to be getting one of the women to come help but he didn't imagine V wanted to be covered in puke. "Gonna turn on the shower." He told her as he did so, making sure it was warm. "You um...strip to what you want..." He didn't want to take her underwear off. He was trying to navigate complicated feelings while not crossing more boundaries. God who the fuck was he anyway? He saw a bra and panties fly across the bathroom from his periphery. Ok , nude it was.

He helped V in the shower. 

"Stay." She told him as he turned to leave. "Gonna need help." 

"Ok."

She did her best to wash herself. She was rather limber although he could see where she was having trouble. He took his shirt off, not wanting to soak it.

"May I?" He asked. 

V nodded.

He used a bit of cloth and began to wash V's back. It as littered with scars, bullet wounds, knife wounds. His hand glanced over a particularly nasty one between one of her ribs. 

"Cyberpsycho caught me by surprise. Punctured my lung." V explained. He felt her lean into his touch. 

"Gonna wash your ass."

"...thank you." V braced herself as he moved lower. She spread her legs a little and Johnny felt his pants get a little tighter. 

This might have been a bad idea. Christ she was hot. The scars, the way she held herself. He bit his lip. He rubbed down her thigh, keeping the thought that he could steal a glance at her in her full glory whenever he wanted. 

Her legs were clean, V had washed her hair and she was feeling better. She felt Johnny against her and could feel old feelings stirring. This was a bad idea. Such a bad idea. But she _wanted_ him. 

"Johnny..." She spoke, her voice laced with lust. 

Johnny knew that tone. "V...?" 

"Kiss me." She demanded. He obliged. 

It was like they needed each other to breathe. She bit his lip aggressively making him hiss slightly in pain as she slipped her tongue against his. She tasted the tequila on his tongue and moaned against him. Johnny tasted the mint of the toothpaste she'd just used. Her aggression was so goddamn hot. He needed out of his pants. He kissed along her jaw, down her neck and bit her collarbone. She moaned against him. "Touch me." She demanded. Johnny didn't need to be told twice. Running his hands along her body. Tracing every scar, every tattoo. He kissed her breast, taking her nipple in his mouth and sucking. She leaned her head back, left hand running through his hair, grip tightening when he would find a sensitive spot. He moaned when she'd pull his hair. Damn she felt so good. His hand dipped lower, brushing against her mound. "Yes." She whispered into the shower. 

"V..." Johnny worked his way back up, burying his face in the crook of her neck, panting. "Need to fuck you." 

"Take your goddamn pants off." 

He'd never taken his pants off so fast before. He pressed himself against her thigh, already hard. She rocked against him, rubbing herself against him, teasing. 

"Fuck, V." He groaned. "Please." 

"Sit down, Mr. Silverhand." She teased pressing a kiss to his lips, her eyes locked with his. She was consumed with lust, feeling old whispers of a love that had consumed her in 2077. Johnny sat down on the toilet seat unceremoniously as V straddled him. She took his metal hand and put it under her right arm to brace her, using her left to line him up before she sank down on him. Impressive Cock indeed. She let out a moan as he filled her, he groaned along with her. She kissed him again, winding her hands through his hair as best as she could. Her right shoulder protesting. She began to rock her hips, grinding against him before she started bouncing. The friction was so good. She felt him reach between them, organic hand rubbing her clit. 

She gasped, head rolling back as she worked. They fucked like animals in heat. She clawed his chest as she grew closer. She could feel him twitching inside her.

"W-Where..."

"In..." She said as she rolled into orgasm, him close behind her. She rested her forehead against his as she felt him release into her. They sat for a while, panting at each other. Trying to make sense of what just happened. The shower was still running. 

Eventually V stood up off of Johnny, him sliding out of her. She rested against the sink for a moment. There was water all over the bathroom. Johnny turned the shower off. "I'd say you're good and clean." 

"Yeah..." V was still catching her breath. "That was..."

"Good?"

"Good. Hand me a towel?" V asked. She was still basking in the afterglow of orgasm. 

The two of them dried off, not really knowing what to say. V got dressed and Johnny helped her clean up her mess. 

He walked her to her room. "What did you dream?" He asked. 

"....nightmare...Don't wanna talk about it. Don't think I can."

"I get it." He admitted. "I used to get dreams like that all the time. It gets easier with time." He said, he kept her hand in his as she got back in bed. "Time for meds." He said, noting the clock.

V took a hit from a canister that was sitting on the bed. "Johnny?" 

"Yeah?"

"...I don't hate you. It's...complicated...." She squeezed his hand. "I'll try to be less of a cunt."

Johnny smirked. "S'ok. I know I'm a bastard."

V rolled her eyes and settled in, letting the drugs lead her back to sleep. 

She was almost asleep when she heard Kerry get home. He entered the bathroom.

"Why is everything wet!?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was spicy enough, It's been a while since I've written smut so uh
> 
> I hope it was good?


	5. Where is my mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where is My Mind - Yoav (cover)
> 
> Still recovering from injury V manages to slip into a strange half world where she's in 2013 but also 2077 and...is that Jackie?

V woke up the next morning realizing what happened. She felt like she was sinking to the bottom of a pit. She had fucked up.

She fucked him. She fucked him and it was _good_. That filled her with more dread and confusion. She sat up, trying to sort out the feelings she had. Kerry came in briefly to help her with her medication and then to give her some breakfast. 

"You look exhausted. Did you get sleep last night?" He asked, frowning. 

"I did...just had nightmares." God how could she explain what happened to Kerry? Should she explain what happened to Kerry? 

No, no she should not. 

She felt the numbness creeping in from the meds. She went quiet, this was normal after she took a dose. 

"If you wanna talk about it, I'm here." Kerry reassured. "If not, totally ok. Gonna watch some TV if you're feeling up to leaving. Alt is gonna come by later. I know she'll be happy to see you." He said trying to cheer V up. It did and didn't all at the same time. 

All V could think about was kissing Alt, Kissing Johnny....fucking Johnny. What the fuck was she thinking? 

She counted days by doses. She was beginning to lose track of herself. One of the band members would come to spend time with her, make sure she didn't trip out too far. It was clear that the medications were robbing V of her senses slowly. She could read it on the faces of her new friends. She did what she could to aleviate their fear. She mostly tried to sleep. If she was sleeping they wouldn't see. She shut herself in, barely eating unless she was made to. V would have mental conversations with a Johnny that didn't exist. He'd turned into her personal demon. Didn't have kind things to say to her about her sleeping with his 2013 counterpart, or kissing his old girlfriend. Maybe she realized that this wasn't him, just her self-loathing taking form. 

She had completed seven days of treatment, the doctor had said that the last day of the first week would be the worst of it, she was growing more and more lethargic, more depressed. It was Henry's turn to be with her. He was a good egg. The addiction hadn't taken him just yet. Maybe V could help keep him on the straight and narrow. She doubted it. She'd try. If she could get her own shit together. She began to resent the walls of the apartment. She knew she wasn't supposed to leave but she was so tired of being cooped up here. Henry had ducked out for a moment, using the restroom, when V decided she wanted to go on a walk. 

She knew she shouldn't have left. She knew that it was stupid. She slid on some shitty flip flops and just walked out the door, closing it behind her quietly. She'd left everything behind her. No iron, no holo, nothing. Just her, the blush colored sundress she was wearing, and the flipflops that she'd thought to slip on. She didn't know where she was even going. Maybe Kabuki? She was aimless. Her hair cascading down her back, undercut was starting to grow out, She had let it fade from the bright pink it had been. She knew that Kerry was talking about dying it again. She needed to get her look cleaned up. Right now she looked disheveled, lost. She walked through the crowds towards Kabuki. She thought she heard familiar sounds, was someone calling her name? She stopped briefly to register if someone was calling to her. She didn't realize she'd stopped in the middle of the road. She saw bright lights headed towards her, she squinted at them, shielding her eyes so she could see what was coming towards her. She felt her form being yanked towards the other side of the road by a stranger. 

"Are you ok miss?" The passerby looked at V, expression worried. "You almost got hit!" 

"Oh...." V shook her head. "I'm ok....Thanks." She waved as she seemed to float along the crowd, she was docile, smiling at strangers. She saw trails of color dripping from billboards exploding into pixels. It began to rain, the inhabitants of Night City heading for shelter or procuring an umbrella. V watched as colors dripped down onto people as they covered their heads for the rain. She frowned. Did they not realize they were being covered in colors? Strange. 

She looked down at her own hand, it glittered in the neon and raindrops. She was enamored with it, squinting. Something was....wrong. 

What was wrong?

Her shoulder hurt. 

_"Chica where are you?"_

She could hear Jackie's voice...Jackie! Konpeki! She had to go with him! They had to get the Relic! Make it in the Major Leagues! Where was Jackie? 

"Jack?" She muttered. She spotted a large man with a bun walking in the crowd! There he was. She smiled and walked after him. She was soaked in the rain, dress sticking to her body uncomfortably. She would need to change into the nice suit that Dex got her. She had to play the part of a corpo. Not some idiot street kid. She followed after Jackie, why wasn't he looking at her? Was he mad at her? She chased the phantom towards a megatower. Heading inside and towards the top. In her mind she was getting ready for the heist. They had everything planned. T-bug had them covered. 

Henry stepped out from using the restroom. He'd been doing his best to keep clean. He knew that V needed his help and being high wasn't going to be good. "Alrighty V we need to order some food....V?" He looked around. "...V?" He started opening doors, Kerry's room, Her room, The bathroom (even though he had just been there). "Fuck!" He called Denny first. "Denny...Denny I fucked up!" 

"What happened? Are you ok? is V ok?"

"She's gone."

"Gone?"

"Yes Denny, I took a piss and she was fuckin' gone when I came back!"

"Fuck! Does she have her holo?"

"I think...fuck it's here on the goddamn table!" 

"OK, ok, calm down. Lets call the rest of the band and start looking for her." 

".....can you call Kerry? I-I don't wanna be the one to field that." Henry admitted. "I'll call Johnny." Having no idea that he'd just saddled himself with the harder of the two phone calls.

"They're probably together but good idea." 

The game of phone tag began as such:

"Hey Ker, V's left the apartment, we don't know where she went. She's on foot so she's probably close by." 

"Where the FUCK was Henry!? He was supposed to be on V duty today!" 

"He was taking a quick piss."

"Fuckin' quick my ass, he takes longer than anyone I know! Fuck Shit I'm on my way. Have you called Johnny and Alt?"

"No, Henry was calling Johnny."

"Ok, Call Nance, I'm calling Alt"

"Hey Johnny uhhhh So V is missing-"

"SHE'S WHAT!?"

"O-okay calm down-"

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU, HENRY!? YOU HAD ONE JOB!"

"I was taking a piss..."

There was a grumbling over the phone and lots of swearing. 

"She can't have gone far. Looks like she's either barefoot or wearing shit shoes, she left her boots here."

"Shit! Alright she can't have gone far. Get the fuck on the streets and start asking around."

"Alt-"

"I heard Kerry. We're on our way to Watson now!"

"Ok good....Keep an eye out."

"Nancy!"

"What's going on, Henry?"

"V left the apartment. She's missing!" 

"You were supposed to watch her?"

"I-I know...can you come help us look?"

"I'm on my way now!"

Alt and Johnny rode in silence together. Neither of them wanted to break the silence, they were both worried. Henry had let V just wander off. They all knew what those drugs were doing to V. It was remarkable how quickly she was healing, but her spirit was gone. She hadn't been speaking for a few days unless directly prompted and even then it wasn't more than a few sentences. Gone was the quirky merc with a million stories. The woman who commanded a room. She was a shell. They knew this would happen. Alt and Johnny had taken turns going to the ripperdoc asking questions. Giving updates. Demanding if the dosage she was being given was correct. They were both so scared for her. She'd been in their lives for a month and a half but they already felt their roots growing together. She was important to them. 

"Johnny!" Alt called as they came to a crosswalk. there was a woman just standing in the middle of the damn crosswalk just staring at the billboards. She looked like she was stoned. She was getting soaked in the storm that had picked up. She squinted at the headlights coming towards her. They watched as someone pulled on the woman's arm, yanking her out of the way as Johnny slammed on the brakes. "Johnny that was her!" Alt said taking in what just happened. "Fuck! I'm getting out! Find somewhere to park!" Alt struggled with the seatbelt and practically catapulted herself from the Porsche. "V!" She called looking for where the woman had gone. "V!!" She yelled louder.

Johnny was shaking. He'd almost hit her. He had almost hit V. He slowed down, rolling the window down. "Alt keep in contact!" He called out the window. She looked at him, nodding, before running into the crowd. Johnny found the first place to pull off which was so far off. It was too far off. He wanted to punch something. 

V was stumbling along. Her shoes had gotten too wet and were causing her to slip. Stupid things. She kicked them off with ease leaving them in the elevator, feeling the cold concrete beneath her feet. She reveled in the sensation. It was nice. She shook her head, looking around. She had to get to the top, they had to get the relic! She kept going up, finding some stairs that lead to the roof access. They had to get into Yorinobu's penthouse before he got back. V pushed open the door to the roof suddenly being blasted with wind and rain. The floodlights on the roof blinding her. It reminded her of her time on stage dancing. Before she quit. Suddenly she was 17 again. She walked towards the center of the roof. 

_"Valerie, I should not have to fucking count for you this many times!" A gruff male voice barked at her._

"I-I'm sorry...." 

" _Let's go from the top! 5 *clap* 6 *clap* 7 *clap* 8 *clap*"_

Music V hadn't heard in years played in her head and she stood on pointe moving her arms gracefully. The wet concrete beneath her feet biting into her toes as she held her poses as well as she could. 

_"Valerie keep up!"_

Alt had been tracking after V. For someone so lost she was hard to keep up with. She looked around. "Where did you go?" She muttered, worry twisting through her core. "Fuck!" She was starting to panic. She scanned for cameras, getting a different vantage point. Where was V, she just....There! She spotted V heading into a newer Megabuilding. She tore after her, shoving people out of her way. She heard lots of protests as she darted past. 

"V!" She called, spotting the woman standing on an elevator heading upwards. She pulled up a group text.

> _She's in the Megabuilding near Kabuki! - A_

She caught the next elevator, riding to the top. She saw V heading to the roof. 

Fuck. 

She looked down, seeing V's shoes. What was going on in her head. She scooped the shoes up and slipped through the elevator doors as they opened. 

V's movements in the rain were fluid, practiced, perfect. She slid to the ground landing in a split as she moved to music nobody could hear. She stood back up, hearing a door open behind her.

"V?"

_"Time to bail! Ahh! Pero qué chingados! (Ahh! Fuck me!) Oh shit…"_

V gasped, suddenly she was back at Konpeki, the side of the building. Jackie had the case! They had to jump! Arasaka was going to kill them. She looked behind her, seeing a silhouette of...someone... she turned on her heel and bolted towards the edge of the roof.

"V! NO!" 

Alt darted after the woman, seeing exactly what was going to play out. She grabbed V and wrapped her arms around her, knocking them both to the ground, winding V. 

Having the wind knocked out of her snapped V back to reality. She was soaked on the roof of a building, someone was on top of her....Alt? She couldn't catch her breath. She tried her best to breathe. 

"V, hey, hey where are you?" Alt helped V roll over, smoothing her hair back. "V....where are you, hey." She cupped her face. Peppering it in kisses. "Hey."

V felt her body slow down. She felt Alt's proximity. "Alt-" She held the blondes face. "Alt I...." She didn't know what to say. What did you say? She was confused, scared. 

"It's ok. It's ok." Alt held V to her chest. Her heartbeat hammering away. She felt V's arms slip around her, shakily. 

"I don't know what's happening to me..." She whispered. "I'm scared."

"It's ok...it's going to be ok." She rocked the two of them safely. The rain came down even harder. 

The rest of the band converged on the Mega building. They asked after Alt and V, learning that two women seemingly raced to the roof. When they got to the top they found V and Alt wrapped around each other. Alt seeming to hold V together. It was clear that something had happened. V's feet and legs were scraped up. She was soaked. She looked to frail. Kerry strode over to the two of them, sliding his jacket from his form and slowly putting it on V's shoulders. The dress she was wearing was completely see through from the rain. V seemed to melt under the weigh and warmth of the leather. 

"Lets get inside." He said softly helping them both up. 

V was received by the band into various hugs and promises of beer and to decompress and that she'd scared them. Henry looked like he had been crying. Everyone looked so worried about her. V felt guilty. She hadn't meant to make anyone worry. 

Johnny met them at the base of the elevator. It had taken him too goddamn long to park. He saw V and his heart shattered. "V-" He reached for her, she recoiled into Alt's arms and it was like she'd slapped him in the face. He kept his aviators on but behind them he looked hurt. 

Alt shook her head at Johnny. 

the ride home was quiet. When they got to the apartment Alt and Kerry set to getting V cleaned up and in warm clothes. Henry ordered food. Denny worked on making tea. Nancy sat with Johnny who looked defeated. "It's ok...she's safe." She reassured him. 

"I know." He smoked and waited.

Eventually V came back out in a hoodie and sweats. she took a seat in the corner of the couch. She kept close to Alt, who sat between her and Johnny. "I'm sorry..." She spoke softly. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I-I don't know what's happening to me. the drugs are making me feel awful." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I feel like I'm going crazy."

Alt held V's other hand, fingers laced together. "It's ok, V. We're here for you." She reassured. V nodded. 

"Let's just watch a movie, huh?" Kerry asked, he didn't want V to feel like she needed to explain herself. He also didn't want Henry to feel responsible. 

Things slowly settled down as they turned on an older film, everyone grabbing food when it eventually arrived. 

V softly requested that Alt stay with her. Alt agreed. She gave V's hand a squeeze before shifting off for a moment, taking Johnny's hand and leading him into another room. 

"I'm gonna stay here tonight. V's really fragile, she asked me to."

"'kay."

"Johnny don't take it personally. She....when I stepped out on the roof she was _dancing_ . Like ballerina on her toes moving with grace I didn't know she was capable of." 

Johnny knew she was capable of it.

"When she noticed me she just bolted towards the edge of the roof. Johnny I think she was going to jump." Alt whispered, fear leaching into her voice. " I don't think she's out of the woods yet."

Johnny nodded and pulled Alt to him, holding her. 

"We good?" He asked softly. 

"Always." She smiled at him. "Just because she's special doesn't mean you aren't you gonk." She teased. "Things are just confusing. I know you feel for her too."

"Yeah."

"Lets get coffee in the morning with V? Maybe we can start tomorrow off better." She offered. 

"I can do that."

Alt gave Johnny a soft, reassuring kiss before heading back to V's side. 

Eventually the entire band ended up crashing there unintentionally. V headed to bed, snuggling with Alt. 

Alt. 

V pressed her form against the lighter skinned woman. She buried her face in Alt's hair, holding her close. 

"You scared me." Alt admitted, rolling over to face V, taking the woman's face in her hands. "You bolted to the edge of the roof. I thought you were going to jump."

"I was." V admitted. "Thought I was back on a bad gig. Had to jump off of Konpeki Plaza tower to escape. That's the job I lost Jackie....I heard him, told me we had to jump. 'Saka was gonna kill us."

"Good thing you didn't."

"Good thing you saved me."

"We keep doing that huh?" Alt grinned. "I think I still owe you one." 

"You got me this. A home, a job, I-I don't think I could pay you back if I tried." V studied Alt's face. Her narrow features, her eyes. She leaned in, gently pressing a kiss to Alt's lips. 

Alt returned the tender kiss. "V-" She pulled back ever so slightly. "You said you wanted to talk about this." 

"I...yeah we need to." V looked down. "Alt you're...amazing." A small giggle rising in the back of her throat, betraying the butterflies in her stomach. "B-but-"

"Johnny?"

"Yeah...."

"He kissed you too that same day didn't he?" Alt said, clearly they had talked. 

"Yeah....we...uhm....we did more..."

"I know." 

"You aren't mad...."

"Why would I be? V we have an open relationship. Johnny isn't....good...at communication, but he also respects me and my space. I know he fucks groupies. He knows that he doesn't own me."

"Oh..."

"So whatever this is? I'm just going to enjoy it" Alt said kissing V again. There was more fire behind it this time. 

V moaned against her. She felt her body heating up, She wanted Alt so badly, but pain in her shoulder made her stop. 

"Goddamnit." She muttered. 

Alt chuckled. "Rain check." She said snuggling against V. 

V was frustrated at her body but eventually resigned to just laying with Alt. The closeness was enough for her. She was still cold from the rain. She felt something she hadn't felt in a while.

She felt safe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST WANTED TO WRITE SOFT LESBIANS OOPS
> 
> Also I hope this chapter made any sense. V was Big Hallucinating so I wanted to write out how her trip went. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading and I promise V and Alt will have more stuff soon.


	6. Ice Age

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ice Age - Deadmau5 and How to Destroy Angels
> 
> V explains the feeling of the drugs, reveals a little more of herself to the band. 
> 
> She's half way out of the dark. 
> 
> and Dark ideas start to take root.
> 
> And then she and Johnny disagree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: drugs, assault,

V woke the next morning feeling sore, but rested. Her legs were scraped up pretty bad from her trip. She felt someone in bed with her and remembered the night before. 

Alt.

No wonder she hadn't had any nightmares, no memories, just uninterrupted sleep. 

She pressed in closer to the blond, who's back was to her. Wrapping her arms around her waist and pressing her face into Alt's back. She could have just gone back to sleep there. They were in a soft bubble, everything else fell away, it was just them. Alt's body was warm and soft. She smelled like cigarettes and wildflowers. Not that V had ever actually smelled a flower before in her life but the idea was there. 

"You awake?" Alt spoke softly. 

"Mmmmm debating on whether or not I want to be." V admitted. "Just wanna stay like this." 

"Well if we stay like this I can't look at you." Alt rolled over gently, being wary of V's injury. "We're over the worst of it. Smaller Doses from here on in. Only in the evening before bed." She ran her fingers through V's hair. Green eyes staring right through V. V didn't meet her gaze. 

"What's wrong?"

"Just embarrassed about yesterday." V admitted. 

"I know that there has been crazier chases after Henry." Alt chuckled. Her laugh made V's pulse quicken. 

"Oh." V sighed. "I'm glad it's almost over. I hardly feel like myself. It's like..." She trailed off, still feeling the fog of last night's events. 

"Like...?" Alt put a hand on V's cheek, bringing her back to focus.

"Like I can't focus." She looked down. 

"It'll be over soon, ok?"

"Ok."

"C'mon, Johnny's supposed to be coming by with coffee." 

V sat up, stretching before hissing, remembering how much she couldn't actually move. She took a shaky breath, she felt Alt's hand on her thigh, a soft squeeze of reassurance. 

"It'll heal, look how far you've come." 

"It's annoying." V grumbled, making Alt laugh. 

Alt slipped from their bed and stepped out into the main room revealing the entirity of the band all just sleeping on each other. Denny resting her head on Henry's chest, their legs tangled together. Nancy taking an entire couch for herself, sprawled out like a starfish. They had all stayed, they stayed for V.

For her. 

The thought made V tear up a bit. She missed her friends in 2077 so much. She missed talks with Panam about nothing. She missed vising Judy and hearing the latest at Lizzie's. Hell she missed River and his weird attempts to ask her out. Not that she was ever interested. 

_Do NOT fuck the cop, V. I will take over and make you barf._

She hadn't planned to but after Johnny had protested so harshly she thought about just one date. Just to mess with him. The hot anger that had shot up her spine at the very _idea_ of entertaining River made her chuckle. Johnny put his foot down about such weird things. She missed him. She hoped that she could make him happy. That somehow she'd made the right choice. 

"WAKE UP MOTHERFUCKERS I GOT COKE, COFFEE, AND DOUGHNUTS!" Johnny kicked the door open causing the entire room to startle awake. 

V let out a startled chirp that caused Alt to laugh. The rest of the room was filled with mixes of "GoddamnitJohnny." "Drop Dead" "Fuck off Johnny"

Kerry opened the door to his room, hair deflated, eyes a little bloodshot, an intense glare at the grinning rockstar. 

"What I had coffee duty. You know what that means."

"Everyone suffers." They all groaned. 

"Did you say coke?" V asked tiredly.

"Yuup, and everyone can have some 'cept you." Johnny strode over to her, poking her nose. 

"I will ruin you, Johnny Silverhand." V threatened. It was an empty threat. 

"Sure sure. Let's save that til after you're better though." He lowered his sunglasses, winking at her. 

"You're a louse, Mr. Silverhand." V took a coffee from Johnny, his grin still plastered on his face. 

She smirked softly as she opened the blinds, letting the morning light in. Everyone hissed in protest but V loved to see the sun. It made her feel warm when she'd been so frozen. She tuned out everyone's distaste, an expression of serenity taking hold of her. 

"So...." Nancy nudged V gently. "What didja see on your adventure. "

V was taken out of her moment and frowned. 

"Nance..." Kerry frowned.

"Nah...I owe it to all of you." V turned to the rest of the band, a soft smile at her friends. Her found family. "Promise not to laugh too much." She moved over to the box of doughnuts that Johnny had brought. She spotted a little baggy that she knew was coke. "Jesus Johnny..."

"I said what I said." He shrugged. 

V just laughed. At that the entire room seemed to relax. She took a seat on the couch. 

"Decided I just wanted to go for a walk, my warden was taking a princess length piss," She winked at Henry who blushed. "and I just wanted to go outside. Feel the air on my skin. First it was just the colors on the billboards bleeding from the screens and on to the people below. Then bleeding on to me. That was when I stopped in the road." She looked at Johnny and Alt. 

"Scared the shit out of us."

"I kept hearing my old choom, Jackie. Followed what I thought was him along the street. I kept remembering bits of the last gig we did when he died. We were gonna make it in the big leagues. Swipe a chip from Arasaka, big money, big plans...." She sighed. "We got the chip but...well we ended up jumping from the top of that tower." V explained. "I'm....I'm doing my best. At first the drugs weren't so bad. It's like when you jump into cold water. Your hands and feet go numb, but that's manageable, but then the numbness crawls up your limbs and into your core. Suddenly you're under water and frozen in place. Can't breathe, only sink. " She sighed. "I had sunk." She cracked a smirk. "When I got on the roof of the building the floodlights snapped me back to when I played Odette in Swan Lake. The last performance I ever did." She explained. 

"Wait like...ballet? like shoes and tutus and" Denny leaned forward, taking interest.

"Wearing your hair in a tight bun and leotards, yes." V smirked. "What you think that I couldn't? I did things before I was a merc." She smirked. She was still in her pajamas, a tank top and shorts. She stood up on the tips of her toes, mimicking some of the dance moves she'd done the night before, leaning into an arabesque extending her arms as best she could into delicate arcs. She leaned forward taking Kerry's hand and moving him to stand behind her. "Hold here" She instructed him as she did a few pirouettes before she moved his hands to her waist. He had a cigarette in his mouth as he tried his best to keep up with V. He lifted her when told to and she made graceful shapes in the air before he set her back down. He handled her like she was made of glass.

"Alright, Tchaikovsky, let's not get too carried away." Johnny smirked. He was impressed with her flexibility. He looked at Alt, seeing that she also noticed this display and was staring. 

"Well Ker if music don't work out you could take up dance." Henry teased.

"Least I got options. "Kerry joked back. "That was....doesn't that hurt?" He asked V.

"Shoulder's a little mad, I guess, but I dunno....feels good to just move." She admitted. She sat on the couch next to Johnny. 

Everyone noticed, nobody said a thing. 

"Did I grow a third arm without realizing it?" V asked, everyone looked away in different directions. "All of you are hopeless. Especially you, Mr. Silverhand." V mused. 

Johnny feigned looking hurt. "Far as I can tell, Ms. V, is that you've put yourself in a precarious situation. " He said leaning forward, purposely invading V's personal space. 

"That's not an invitation, Mr. Silverhand." She put a gentle hand on his cheek, covering his mouth, and pushing him away. She could have sworn she felt him kiss her palm. That made her feel things. "Louse." She repeated. 

"What can I say?" He shrugged, hiking one leg over the arm rest of the couch. 

V stood up. Their flirting was getting to her and she needed space. "You can start with saying nothing." She smirked. 

She was beginning to feel like herself again and it was nice. 

The rest of the day passed like this. Just a nice quiet day spent laughing with friends that ended with them piling into a couple of cars to go watch some fireworks in Pacifica. 

It was perfect. 

V sat on the beach watching the sunset, fireworks illuminating the coming darkness. She knew this moment wouldn't last. this feeling wouldn't last. She knew she had to go after Toshiro. Keep this little family safe for as long as she could hold it. They held on to her, kept her safe. She needed to return the favor. 

She heard the rumbling of dozens of motorcycles thundering by, catching her attention. She turned and looked seeing a squad of Steel Dragons ride past. An idea took root in her mind and she frowned some. 

Johnny and Alt were going to _hate_ it. 

"What is it?" Kerry's voice in V's ear made her jump. 

"Nothing...just never seen the Steel Dragons come out like that." V admitted. 

"Heard Yorinobu is supposed to be coming to town. Looks like he's gotten his little welcome crew to come out and let folks know they're around."

Yorinobu was in Night City? V felt a ping of hope. She had to meet with him. His beef with Saburo was everything. That could be the lynchpin for the whole thing. Knowing what she did about him in 2077, he would be a powerful ally. 

"Why did you just light up at that?" Kerry took V's arm. "V." He caught her mid-plan. "I know you think I'm some gonk but I can see you've got some wheels spinning right now." He warned. 

"Kerry, you're not a gonk."

"Don't bullshit me." 

Everyone else had gone over to another group of folks and were sharing beers. The other party elated that _Samurai_ was at their beach party. 

"Kerry..." V sighed. "We've got Arasaka on us. Who fucking better to have on our side than someone who's got inside knowledge and a huge chip on his shoulder?" She felt him put a hand on her bicep. 

"V did you forget they're a gang? That you're seriously injured?" He looked genuinely worried. "Let alone how pissed everyone, me included, will be?" He warned. 

"Kerr." V looked down. "Fine...It was a stupid idea. You're right." She huffed. 

Kerry pulled her into a hug. "C'mon, lets go hang out with the others. It's getting cold!" He said helping her stand. 

"You're too good to me."

"Shut up." Kerry lead her to the bonfire. V took a beer, drinking and listening to everyone enjoy themselves. They'd had a head start. V was not eager to catch up. She kept scanning around, she was going to get that meeting with Yorinobu. This was her best shot. She spotted the group also watching the parties. They were keeping an eye out. 

V stumbled over to Kerry, pretending to be drunker than she was. "Gonna take a piss." she lied to him, she hated lying to him. 

He nodded, smiling before turning his attention to a particularly handsome gentleman who winked at him. She smacked his arm. "Careful." She grinned at him. He grinned back, V couldn't tell if he was drunk because of the beer or if it was drunk on being so openly wanted. She hoped it was a good time. 

She slipped into a crowd heading away from the beach, towards an old parking garage, avoiding the eyes of the other band members pretty easily. She headed towards the group of Steel Dragons she'd clocked earlier. She lost the drunk act as soon as she stepped out of the crowd, headed straight to the group. She heard one of them say something in Japanese. A few of them clocking her with cold expressions. 

They sure didn't fuck around. She saw the baseball bats in their hands, Iron on their hips. 

"Need to talk to Yorinobu." 

"You need to fuck off, little girl." One of them chided. 

V stood to her full height, shoulder pain be damned. "I need to talk to Yorinobu. I have information he could use." 

"Oh I'm sure he could use _something_ from you."

V felt her blood boil. It was so nice to be able to feel her fire again. " You wanna fuck up Arasaka? Me too. Now let me talk to your fucking boss. I know he's here." She stepped up to his face, hers inches from his as she stared him down, white eyes flickering red as she scanned him. 

"Let her speak." 

She recognized the voice, a little younger than she was used to. She glanced over the shoulder of the Dragon she'd been pressing and spotted Yorinobu himself. He looked a little less like a toe in his youth. Clearly age was not kind to him but when your father is Saburo Arasaka there was no hope in genetics. 

The Dragon she'd been conversing with called her some terse words in Japanes before spitting at her feet before moving out of the way. 

V moved forward with ease, drinking on the beer still in her hand. 

"This is supposed to be a celebration, are you interested in a fight?" One of the most powerful men in the world was addressing her and all she could feel in her soul for him was contempt....maybe pity...knowing how Arasaka operated. 

"Not interested in a fight. I'm out numbered-"

"And injured." Yorinobu noted the bandages on her shoulder. "You wanted to talk, so talk, before I lose my patience."

Oh he was trying to sound so tough. Whatever she'd let him feel in control. 

"Got 'Saka after me and mine. Need that shit to stop."

"And what? I'm going to call my father and make him stop?" Yorinobu mocked her. 

V felt her anger curling like a snake, waiting to strike at the right moment. Her eyes flicked red again, scanning him. He had some pretty nice cyberware....for 2013. 

"Know you can't do that. Not that stupid. Need information on Toshiro, need him gone."

"Toshiro, the head of the Night City branch of Arasaka?" Yorinobu chuckled. "Why?"

"He's after a program that has the potential to allow Saburo to cheat a natural lifetime. Neither of us want that."

"And why should I trust you?" 

"Get to know me, I'm the best Merc in this city."

"You're a drunk idiot with expensive cyberware. You know nothing of what you speak." 

"I guess that makes two of us." She felt that verbal strike hit. She saw Yorinobu's posture shift, squaring up. She didn't think she'd gotten him that bad. 

"You've worn out your welcome."

V smirked, taking another sip of beer. She flicked him her deets. "Call me once your ego is less bruised." She said turning away from him, smirking as she polished off her drink. 

She didn't get far before she spotted Johnny who was just _staring_ at her. His expression was stone cold rage. She didn't see the rest of the band but she felt her blood run cold. 

They were about to fight. 

She walked up to him, inviting the confrontation. "Mr. Silv-"

"Taking a piss?" He asked, smiling sarcastically. "Awful long time to be gone. Good thing Kerry's chasing tail, didn't tell anyone to look for you for a while." His tone was growing less and less friendly. 

"Don't need you to fucking hold my hand, Johnny." 

"No but you sure did cozy up to Yorinobu fucking Arasaka. Did you forget who that was?" He growled. He took her left arm roughly, dragging her away towards a more secluded area away from the crowd, away from preying ears. 

"I know what I'm doing." 

"Do you? You're half fucked on drugs, _we almost fucking lost you yesterday!_ Or did you forget that too?" He shoved her against a wall, lighting a cigarette and pacing. "Any one of those fuckin' gangsters could have wasted you without a second thought!" 

"It wouldn't come to that."

"How do you know?" Johnny's expression was growing more and more feral. "How do you know that one of those fuckin' gonks wasn't about to cave your skull in?" He demanded, punching the wall above her right arm, cracking the concrete. 

"Don't you try and fucking intimidate me!" V warned. "You got no idea Johnny."

"YOU GOT NO IDEA!" He bellowed in her face, she could smell the alcohol on his breath, his eyes dilated, christ he was high. "You got no idea what you fucking do to me." He spoke softer this time, more broken. 

"I don't give a fuck what I do to you, Johnny. Your feelings aren't my fucking responsibility." She gripped the empty bottle of beer tightly. If he swung on her she would defend herself. She wouldn't use mantis blades but she would not back down. "I"m trying to fucking save us." She dropped her tone. 

"Didn't ask you to." He cupped her face, drawing his close to hers to kiss her. She pushed him away.

"Out of line, Silverhan-" She felt a metal hand grab her neck roughly and suddenly Johnny's mouth was forced on her, his beard rough on her skin. She used both hands and all of her strength to shove him away. 

"FUCK YOU JOHNNY!" Her voice echoed, cutting through the laughter and celebration. "How fucking dare you." She whispered, words laced with venom and hatred.

"V-" He chased after her reaching for her hand.

"Don't fucking touch me, you piece of shit." A warning.

"V!"

"I will drop you, Silverhand." A promise. 

He didn't respond. V stormed back to the beach, back to where their shit was. She no longer had the taste for laughter. 

She saw Alt sitting with Nancy and Denny, laughing together. Henry was lighting up a joint, the scent of weed permiating the air. Kerry was lounging on the beach on a blanket with a gorgeous man. 

"Going home." She announced flatly. 

"Johnny find you?" Kerry asked, not realizing how angry V was. V wiped at her face aggressively, she refused to cry over that asshole. 

"See you later." She said, deciding she was just going to walk home. It was going to be a _long_ walk. 

Nobody seemed to notice in the roar of the fire and atmosphere. At least they were having a good time. She started walking along the sidewalk back to Watson. 

She had been walking for about 20 minutes just lost in a daze of shock and rage. 

"Is this a bad time?" There was a rumbling behind her, an engine. 

V rounded, Mantis blades starting to reveal themselves when she stopped seeing Yorinobu riding on a sleek silver motorcycle, with an empty back seat. He held out a helmet for her and gestured for her to climb on.

"Let's talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DRAMAAAAAAAA
> 
> Also welcome Yorinobu Arasaka to the cast of characters I'mma systematically ruin! 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed!


	7. Where did you Sleep Last Night?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My girl, my girl, don't lie to me  
> Tell me where did you sleep last night  
> In the pines, in the pines  
> Where the sun don't ever shine  
> I would shiver the whole night through
> 
> V's making friends, decisions, and a name for herself. She's not just a bodyguard and she can't just keep reacting. 
> 
> It's time to strike back.

Yorinobu's eyebrows raised at the blades peeking out of V's arms. "Interesting." He offered the helmed to her still. 

V shivered as the cold rolled in with the tide. Her forearms shifting back, blades returning to where they belonged. "What made you change your mind?"

"I have not had someone challenge me like that in a long time. I am taking a chance to get to know you. If you truly are the best in the city I would like to see if that is true."

V's brows knit together, her expression surprised. "Not often that I'm given that courtesy." She admitted. 

Headlights appeared behind them. They were not in the middle of the road, off to the side so traffic could pass them with ease. Whoever this was, they were deliberately antagonizing them. V was able to recognize Johnny's Porsche headlights. She made eye contact with the drivers side of the windshield where she knew Johnny was, she smoothed her hair back and put Yorinobu's helmet on and swung a leg over his motorcycle, arms wrapping around him. "Let's go." She urged. 

Yorinobu didn't need to be told twice, he gunned it and they were flying down the road. V wasn't expecting the speed. She didn't ride second seat often. Her grip around her new host tightening ever so slightly. She sent a text to the Samurai Group Chat. 

Made a friend at the beach. Be home late. Don't wait up - V

She was greeted with eggplant emojis from everyone else save for Alt and Johnny. 

Don't mind the noise when you get back ;) - K

V smirked at that. Sounds like Kerry was going to get lucky after all. She was happy for him. The Porsche didn't let up, where ever Yori weaved, the car did too. 

"Who is following us?" He asked, there was a radio in the helmet. 

"Possessive motherfucker. Pay him no mind, hit an alleyway here soon and we should lose him no problem." She said. 

Yorinobu was a damn good rider. She hadn't given much thought to how he handled himself. When she'd first met him via Evelyn's BD he was just some rich corpo tourist who wanted to pretend to be hard. Now she wasn't so sure. She had knowledge that Yorinobu didn't even have. She wasn't sure how she was going to explain what she knew to him. Would she be able to get through to him? Or was this just a shitty idea? She really wished she had Johnny with her...At that she had a flashback to half an hour ago. Johnny shoving her against a concrete wall, hand on her throat, pinning her, forcing himself on her. It made her skin crawl. Fucking asshole. She mentally sighed. No....she couldn't mix the two up. Engram Johnny would have listened to her. God she missed him. 

She had zoned out, watching the city pass her by. Where were they going? City Center? Her eyes widened when she saw they were headed towards Arasaka Tower! Was she being sold out. "Yorinobu?" Her tone was accusatory. 

"Look towards the top. You will see one office light on. That is the floor that Toshiro resides on." He spoke flatly. 

He was offering her information. He really was giving her a shot. 

He was desperate. 

"We are still being pursued." He commented looking over his shoulder. Causing V to follow suit. 

"You got iron?" She asked. 

"Holster"

V looked down, realizing she was pressing herself against the gun in question. She felt like an idiot. She took it and looked back. She kept her right arm around Yorinobu's waist, her arm shaking ever so slightly from how tightly she was holding on to him. Her wound was starting to ache. It was time for her to take her meds. Past time. She didn't have time for that, nor would she while she was exposed like this. She pushed through the pain, her kiroshi optics scanning over the men. Three of them, a squad. They were outfitted with cyberwear. They were as good as dead. "Shift to the middle of the road. Line them up." She directed. 

"Why aren't you firing!?" 

"Trust me!" 

She ordered Yorinobu to swerve here and there, the three of them coming up on either side of V and Yorinobu. 

"What are you doing!? Idiot girl!" 

V uploaded a daemon to one of them, Synapse burnout, Yori looked back at V when her kiroshi's flashed green and the cyclist on their right suddenly collapsed, the bike laying flat taking the other driver out that had been behind them. She turned her attention to the other one. Short circuit, two rounds placed expertly in the drivers helmet. They, too, laid down. Blood on the street. "See?"

Yorinobu nodded, picking up speed as the wail of police sirens caught up with V's ears. They were down town, the heart of Night City, V could feel the pulse of the city. It was still home. It was still the same city, if only a few years younger then what she knew. She slid Yorinobu's iron back into the holster in the back of his pants. She let go of him and held her arms out, she felt like it had been so long since she felt like herself. Since she was able to flex what she could _do._

She was Valerie goddamn Shepard and it was high time 2013 Night City knew who the fuck she was!

She felt a hand on her wrist. "Are you drunk?" Yorinobu snapped. V laughed in response, leaning forward and wrapping her arms back around him. 

"No. Otherwise that would have been way messier!" She grinned at Yorinobu through the visor of her helmet. 

They headed through Corpo Plaza, towards Westbrook, into Japantown. V remained present with Yorinobu this time. No zoning out. She paid attention to the fact that they were being followed by at least seven other Steel Dragons. She was really going into the belly of the beast.

Good thing she'd just proven her mettle. 

They pulled over. She slid off of Yorinobu's bike and took her helmet off. Her expression was one of excitement. She felt electricity flowing through her. She was alive. Her head was clear. Or well...it was clear but her shoulder was beginning to hurt more. 

"Your injury is more strenuous than you let on." 

"As if I'm going to let you see me flinch." She gave a cheeky smile.

Yorinobu's expression did not change. Ever the hardass. "Come. We will speak."

She followed after him. She was wearing boots, shorts, and a crop top that clung to her body loosely. She didn't let them see her shiver. 

Yorinobu said something to one of the Dragons who flanked the two of them and a leather jacket was placed on her shoulders. They were being more hospitable than she imagined they would be. 

"Thank you."

The lights of Japan town caused reflected off of puddles on the slicked streets causing a halo effect. It was home, even if the signs were different. She followed Yorinobu down into an alleyway, down some stairs, and into an old style Japanese building. Sliding though a metal door. She looked down, seeing several pairs of slippers. She watched Yorinobu slip off his shoes and sliding on the house shoes. V followed suit, seeing several other Dragons doing the same. It felt weird but she didn't commentate on it. This must have been home base. This was their turf and she wasn't foolish enough to start a fight here. She wouldn't make it out. 

She was lead to a room to wait, sitting crosslegged on a tatami mat while Yorinobu came back wearing a more comfortable yukata. He seemed much more in his element here. She tilted her head to the side as he entered. The room lighting up with the soft glow of an LED sakura tree in the corner as well as several lanterns. 

"Seems like you found a nice place, remind you of home?" She said bringing one knee up and resting her chin on it. She was not intimidated. 

"Something like that. Your prowess while we were riding was admirable." He knelt down on a pillow opposite her, sitting on his heels, his hands in fists resting against his knees. "Who are you?" He asked. 

"Name's V. Hacker, Solo, Edgerunner. I'm good at what I do."

Yorinobu nodded. His posture seemed to relax slightly. "You said you wished to "Fuck up Arasaka."" He repeated her words to her. 

"I do, from what I can tell, so do you. So we can help each other." 

"How could you possibly help? You are one, injured, woman."

"I know that your daddy wants Soulkiller. I know who he's after, I know what he's gonna do to her, I know that if he gets her that hell will break loose, I know that if he gets Soulkiller nobody is safe."

Yorinobu's frown deepened. 

"Tell me about Soulkiller."

"A program that copies the mind of its victims making them a digital ghost. Left on the net or stored. Raw data to be interrogated, picked apart, rearranged at will if need be. Scary stuff. Perhaps Saburo's easiest ticket to immortality. We can't have that."

Yorinobu's eyes fell to the floor between them. "And if we forge an alliance?"

"You get my skills, my tech, and my tenacity. You also get another friend here. Noticed that you don't got a lot of those here. Hard to run a gang when you're treated like an outsider. Got money, don't mean shit without someone to vouch for you."

"And you will do this? You who is also 'new blood'? You said you were the best merc in Night City." 

"I am."

"Why has nobody heard of you?"

"They will."

"I will not entertain dreams of grandeur. We are done here."

V frowned but stood up. She slipped the jacket off her shoulders. "Well, thanks for listening anyway I guess." She said offering him the jacket. 

Yorinobu held his hand up. "Keep it." 

V blinked. "I thought we were done?"

"I will contact you later." 

"Oh." 

"Even if you are not a famed merc your capacity for violence is something that I would employ should you choose to join the Steel Dragons, you would be welcome to try."

"Oh! uh...I"ll think about it." V had no plans to join a gang but she knew she needed to play into Yorinobu's hands some to earn his trust. "'Till next time. Take care." she waved a hand as she was lead out by some other dragons. 

She put her boots back on and stood up. These men who were with her were much more polite even if they kept a glare trained on her. At least they didn't demean her. "Later fellas." She headed back up the stairs remembering where she had come from. She zipped up the leather jacket as she felt the wind blow through Japantown. It wasn't safe to be out, she knew Scavs were around often and she had no time for that. She needed to get a move on. Walking all the way back to Watson was going to be a long trip. 

She checked her holo. She had 14 missed calls from Johnny and a smattering of texts. Most of them were not legible, he must have been high. 

She hoped he got home ok.

Alt would have made sure he got home ok. 

She hated that she cared. She hated that he could force himself on her and she still worried about him. She kicked a beer bottle, shattering it, causing the glass to scatter across the sidewalk, glittering in the neon lights. Her personal starry sky for just a moment. She sighed, tucking her hands into the pockets of her jacket. She felt something in them. Oh shit! She took out a set of keys. Keys to a bike....

She would return it....but for now she was in a lot of pain and she wanted to go home. 

She hit the button to summon the bike.

It was the one Yorinobu had driven here on. She turned around to look in the direction of where she'd just come. She was starting to second guess what she'd done. She received a ping on her holo.

> An olive branch. Do not let me down. - **荒坂 頼宣**

Oh...

She sighed. She needed her own wheels anyway. 

> Thanks! - V

She slung her leg over the bike feeling it hum to life beneath her. She smiled petting it. "Alright baby lets see what you can do." She said as she tore out of Japantown. 

_Drive it like you stole it._

She laughed into the wind. Her stupid plan worked! It worked!! She felt her heart soar! She couldn't wait to tell- _fuck_.... 

There was nobody she could tell. This was a triumph all to herself. She wished she could share it with someone. Suddenly she felt like the loneliest soul in the city. She knew Samurai would be mad. Maybe Alt? She checked the time. 

It was past midnight. 

She rode home. Parking the bike out front of the apartment complex and walking up the stairs. She felt pain leaching through her entire body from her shoulder. She opened the door quietly, hoping to sneak back in and just go to bed. 

The door opened and she was met with the tell-tale sounds of Kerry having _loud_ sex. She rolled her eyes. This was better than someone waiting up for her. She slid her new leather off her shoulders and headed to her room. It had been a closet before they converted it. It was cozy enough for her and one other person. She wished Alt was there. She found herself missing the woman. Alt would know what to do.

Alt was probably tending to Johnny's feelings. 

_Fuck_ Johnny. 

She tossed her jacket onto her bed, closing the door and sliding her clothes off and pulling on her pajamas. She took a deep hit of her medicine feeling the numbness crawl back in. She crawled into bed and laid on her back staring at the ceiling. 

_You've really stepped in it huh?_

"Johnny?" V whispered. _Her_ Johnny?

_Nailed a connection, hope he doesn't want to fuck ya._

She sighed, she secretly hoped the same. 

_Did good though. Showed those gonks who the fuck we are._

_We_?

She looked for where she thought the engram would be and he wasn't there. She threw the used up canister of drugs at the wall. Fucking hallucinations. 

She buried herself in her blankets and laid on her side. Her heart hurt. 

It began to dawn on her. Maybe Yorinobu didn't need friends as much as _she_ did. He'd let her project onto him some. God she was a fucking idiot. 

Sometime in the night sleep found her. She woke up the next morning feeling pretty rested. The drugs were still in her system but it wasn't so bad. She crawled out of bed and opened the door and saw Kerry sitting on the couch in his underwear watching TV. "Mornin' buttercup!" He called looking up from the burrito he was eating. "When didja end up gettin' in last night?"

"dunno 'round 1am?"

"Shit V you were way past your med time!" 

"I"m fine. Feel fine." She sat down and frowned. She didn't feel fine actually.

"You aren't doin' a good job of convincing me you're fine." He commented. "V..." He scooted over to her and bumped his shoulder into hers. "V what happened last night?"

V rested her head in her lap and looked at Kerry. "You're gonna be mad..."

Kerry set the burrito down. He gently pulled V to him and held her. "Let me decide that." 

She swallowed. "So...uh....you know how you called me the fuck out about the Steel Dragons."

"V..."

"I talked to Yorinobu."

"V!" 

"Please....I convinced him to hear me out. I might have insulted his pride a bit...."

"Jesus if we have a fucking biker gang banging down our door-"

"When I left their little corner of Pacifica Johnny was there."

Kerry was silent now, watching her intently. He gently held her shoulder, rubbing circles with his thumb. It was comforting. 

"He was so mad. I don't know why. He's so fucking quick to anger."

"That's Johnny."

"Dragged me off, talking shit, said I was an idiot, punched the wall next to me, then tried to fucking force me to kiss him." She grimaced. The concept of kissing him wasn't awful. She knew there were feelings there. She knew that she was tangled in his web. 

Kerry stopped moving. "He what?"

"Pushed him off me, that's when I went to walk home from Pacifica."

"You were going to walk from _Pacifica to Watson at night?"_

"Didn't see another option."

"Fuck V, what are the rest of us? Dead meat?" He frowned. 

"You were so happy with that guy and I didn't want to ruin it and I just....You've all done so much for me. I didn't want to-"

"Stop. Stop that shit right there. You are not a burden. Johnny was way outta line...I"ll talk to him-"

"Don't.....please"

"V..."

"I want to talk to him. It's....complicated. Everything is so complicated." 

"Not complicated if he's pushing himself on you."

"Yes it is when we've fucked in the past."

Kerry stopped again. This was the morning of rude awakenings for him V guessed. "The bathroom..."

"I'm sorry..."

"Well that answers some questions but that doesn't mean Johnny gets to just decide what your boundaries are." Kerry sighed. "If you don't want me to talk to him I wont but this can't be left in the dark, V. You need to be able to feel safe here, you need to be able to ask us for help....How did you get home?"

"Uhm...." She explained what happened and Kerry's eyes widened. "You were right...I am mad."

V sat up from him. "Kerry-"

"Are you kidding me? You bumped elbows with Yorinobu, fought some Arasaka goons, went to the Steel Dragon lair, and you fucking walked out with a leather jacket and a new motorcycle? I'm mad impressed." He grinned. 

V looked stunned before deadpanning at him. "Kerry Eurodine." She threw one of his throw pillows at him and he laughed. "So when are you gonna take me for a spin?"

"When is your man gonna wake up?"

"Oh him? He left before you got up. Got his number though." Kerry grinned. 

"I"m glad....and thanks Ker." V looked at her lap. "I get so wrapped up thinking that everyone would take Johnny's side. That you just wanted me around because I can fight..."

"You gotta let that thought go. I like you, V. You're a good friend....and you make living here a little less lonely." He knelt in front of her. "So....do you want the rest of my burrito because I'm gonna throw it out..."

"Gimme." 

V was looking at her holo and sighed. She sent a text to Johnny.

> Tom's Diner, noon. We need to talk. - V

She waited a little bit, receiving the notification that Johnny had seen her message. 

Noon rolled around and V rode her new wheels to the diner. It wasn't far but she just liked that she had wheels now. Made her feel so much more independent. She could go where she wanted now. That freedom was a breath of fresh air. She strode into the diner, taking a seat where she had in 2077. At that time she had been talking to Goro. She bet he was somewhere in Japan watching Saburo. They were likely to cross paths. That made her a little sad. He was a good man, Arasaka was beneath his honor....She shook her head. Familiar booth, a little newer. She ordered some pizza and waited. 

at 12:30 Johnny decided to walk in. His posture made him seem arrogant, aloof. It was an act. 

She could tell he was anxious. 

"Lunch date? You shouldn't've." He sat down across from V. He took his sunglasses off. He was serious. 

V slid the pizza to the center of the table, offering him some. He took one slice, eyes on V as he bit into it. It wasn't high quality but nothing was here. It did what it was supposed to do.

"So. Where'd you go last night?"

"That's a discussion I am willing to have with you, however that's not why we're here." V kept her eyes locked on his. 

He set the pizza down, he stared at his hands. "You gonna yell at me?" He sounded like a damn teenager.

"Johnny you scared the fuck out of me."

He stopped, it was like she'd slapped him. 

"I can take a bullet, can take getting slashed, stabbed, punched, kicked, all of that. Get knocked down, get up again. Tooth falls out, ah well I got more of em. But when someone that I-" She tripped over her words. She stopped, clearing her throat. 

Johnny was watching her carefully. 

"I....Whether or not I want to admit it....I care about you. I care what you think. You matter to me." V didn't meet his gaze. "I let you past my boundaries....you can't abuse that." She looked at him. "You can't."

The vulnerability wasn't something he was ready for. He swallowed and leaned back. "Look-"

V took some pizza, listening to him. 

"I just got worried. I was drunk...high...we were havin' fun."

"Johnny."

"....'m sorry."

V raised an eyebrow. 

"I got scared because you were standing directly in harms way. Dragons aren't gonna help with our issue. No fuckin' corpo-kid turned gangster is gonna bit the hand that feeds."

"You don't trust me."

"I don't- V you're puttin' words in my-"

"You don't think I can do this. That I can handle this, keep us safe." She looked down at her lap, her mind starting on a downward spiral. He didn't think her capable.

"Stop." He slapped his organic hand down, making her look at him, stopping her spiral.

V sighed, she slid her hand to his, turning it over and looking at the snake tattoo that stretched across his palm. 

"We're going too fast."

"How d'you figure?"

"Johnny....can we be friends? Just friends. I-I know there are feelings there, I don't want to diminish them...but I want to know that we've got something solid. I want to know that we can be Chooms. I need to know you will respect my boundaries."

Johnny's hand wrapped around hers. "....Okay."

V felt her heart flutter. She had expected this to go poorly but here was Johnny fucking Silverhand, chaos incarnate, giving her a shot. 

"OK but seriously this pizza is going to be awful if it gets cold..." 

They dug in. 

"So, seriously, where the fuck did you go though?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I listen to Kaneda's theme from Akira for an hour while writing this? 
> 
> Yes
> 
> Yes I did

**Author's Note:**

> ....y'all I played myself
> 
> I gotta do a ton of lore diving for cyberpunk 2013/2020/2077 TTRPG stuff please forgive if I get something wrong 
> 
> 💜 Thanks again for reading.


End file.
